Part XII
Decent Spot of Violence

Five creatures stepped out of the shadows, fanning out in a half circle around him. A large Ascaroth demon stepped up in front of him. He studied it. Nothing more loathsome than a demon who’s soul purpose was to spy. “Evenin’. Can I help you? Kill you? Tear you apart, maybe?” Spike asked conversationally.

The demon studied him back. “You are William the Bloody?”

“Yeah, that’d be me. Sounds like you’re lookin’ for a good blood spillin’ then?”

“My kind heard you went insane on the hell mouth,” the demon hissed. “That you went mad and killed every underworld dweller you came upon. Slaughtered them like cows and reveled in their blood.”

Spike flashed back. Mad? He’d gone pretty insane that first week after Buffy’s death… killed everything he could get his hands on. But that was only until she’d come back… he growled. “Get your blood facts straight will you? I was just mightily pissed off.”

“We’ve heard that you don’t harm humans anymore,” a Bucon demon piped up. “That you side with the slayer.”

“Yeah, there a problem with that?”

“Traitor,” the smaller Andras demon scowled.

“That’s me. So, you want to die or not boys? I’m a busy vampire. Places to go, demons to kill.” He looked around at the five demons. “Or are you all scared? I did bloody ‘go insane’ and whatnot…” He grinned, shaking himself into his vampire visage. “What do you think? Think I’ll go nuts and rip your parts off and make your mate’s eat ‘em fore I kill you?”

The Ascaroth demon muttered something in it’s own tongue, enraged, and charged.

Spike decided he’d have a little fun in the City of Angels after all.

He growled and ducked, sending the first charging demon over his shoulder. The second and third attacked simultaneously and he flipped behind them and kicked out hard, spinning around and pulling a stake from his boot, impaling another of his attackers in the eye. It screamed and fell backwards, clawing at the bleeding hole that used to be its eyeball. Withdrawing his stake, Spike grabbed the hand of the half blind demon, which held four sharp claws, using it to impale the next of his charging adversaries. The Andras demon gurgled and died, its comrade’s claws imbedded into its abdomen. The half blind demon died when Spike whirled around to snap its neck. “Thanks for the hand, mate,” he quipped, tossing the limp form to the floor. He looked at the remaining three demons, which were regrouping.

“Traitor!” the Ascaroth hissed.

Spike shrugged. “You do what you can get, I suppose. Who’s next, then?”

They all charged at once, hissing and spitting, and growling.

~*~*~*~

“Okay, vampire is dust,” Riley breathed, taking Buffy’s proffered hand and letting her help him up off the ground. “Can we talk now?”

“So you can get jumped again like that?” she replied.

He realized her wit hadn’t changed any since he’d last seen her. Nor had her subtlety. “Look Buffy, this is important. I need to know what you feel for Spike. Exactly what you feel for Spike.”

She turned around. “How can I tell you when I don’t even know?”

“What do you mean? How can you not know? You either do or you don’t.”

“I don’t think I love him,” Buffy responded. “But I don’t think I don’t love him either. It’s complicated.”

“Why?”

“Why? What do you mean why?” she looked exasperated. Did he not know her at all? Spike would have understood… she stopped that thought. Too complicated. “I just…right now? All I know, is right now, I miss him.”

Finn’s countenance fell. “Oh.”

“I miss talking with him, and fighting with him, and working with him. I wish he were here.”

“Buffy, you do realize this is Spike you’re talking about.”

“Who else?!” Buffy replied, growing exasperated. Spike did that to her. Whether she was talking to him or about him. It got her all excited and agitated inside. She loved it and couldn’t stand it at the same time. “Why can’t I miss him? Is it so wrong?”

“Truthfully? Yes. Buffy, he’s a killer. Remember that in-prison thing we were talking about during lunch? Monster. If he ever got that chip out…”

“I don’t want to hear it, Riley.”

“But you’re not denying it as a possibility.”

“No, I’m not. But I just can’t seem to think of him that way anymore. After I’ve seen him cheat at cards so Tara would win, and seen him make cocoa for my little sister before bed, and the way he looks at me? The way he looks at me, I feel like the most important thing in the world. I just can’t see him like you do anymore.”

Riley growled internally. “Buffy, I think you’re seeing things that aren’t there…”

She shook her head. “I know they’re there Riley. Spike’s a good man.”

“A man? A man? How many men do you know with no soul and a set of fangs?” Riley sputtered.

“Truthfully?” she looked up into his eyes. “Only one.”

~*~*~*~

Spike let the three demons charge him and he shook his head, ducking underneath as the demons all jumped up, crashing into one another and crumbling to the ground. Spike put his foot on the pile of demons and glared at them, his yellow eyes glowing in the dark alley. "Never mess with a master vampire you ugly, disgusting pile of demon garbage."

The demons all glared up at Spike, getting ready for a second attack. The snarling, scaly demon on top threw Spike's foot off, sending the half drunken vamp onto his rear.

They all stood, gathering around the fallen, vampire. The scaly one mumbled something only the other two understood.

A larger, purplish, horned demon grabbed Spike by his throat lifting him off his feet. He growled loudly, threatening Spike with orange eyes.

Spike turned his nose aside, glaring at the stinky demon. "You ever heard of mouthwash mate?"

This angered him further and he tossed the vampire into brick wall. "Three on one, William. I think the odds are too overwhelming for a drunken, neutered vamp. You're a disgrace to all demons alike." The scaly demon's tongue hung from his mouth in a rather grotesque manner. Spike wondered how much the thing would like it if he ripped that drooling piece of flesh from its mouth with his bare hands.

The vampire glared up at the creature with absolute rage, growling furiously, as his temper surpassed boiling point. He was no disgrace. He was who he wanted to be. Shooting to his feet, he landed in a catlike crouch, despite the swaying his protesting head caused.

His eyes shot from one demon to the next. "I may have had this bloody damn chip in my head these past years mates, but nothing keeps me from killing you all like your lil pals here." Spike circled. "You've heard of me, William The Bloody. Then you know my reputation, eh?"

"Before you went soft and turned into a traitor," the purple-horned demon snorted.

Spike smiled wickedly. "A bloke's gotta kill somehow eh? And this lil chip in my head kept me from harming those innocent humans. So, why not rid the world of some really...bloody ugly wankers, like yourselves?" Spike shrugged. "Big Bad just loves a good thrashing, whether you’re human or not. And like my reputation precedes... 'm a cold blooded killer...and just… just a little bit insane." He continued circling the demons. "A little bit insane, and in the mood to rip off your limbs and use ‘em like pens to write my name on this here wall." He was having fun goading these blokes. He wanted it to be known, no matter what he was killing, that he was still killing. And he was damn good at it.

Something inside him felt it was violently wrong to be thinking this way, but he also felt something inside him, he hasn't felt in a long time. No remorse. "One of you will live tonight. Cuz you're going to let everyone know that the Big Bad's still something to fear." He made sure to growl, emanating low in his throat, then letting it accumulate and rumble into the night air. He snarled, licking at his fangs. "Too bad all you blokes are cold blooded..."

"Too bad you can only pick on demons and not humans..." The scaly demon gurgled back, not liking the look in Spike’s eyes and trying to plan an escape. He could tell the vampire was brassed off from the threatening series of uncontrolled growls coming from his chest.

Spike smiled maliciously. If only they knew... His growls stopped with thoughts of killing humans. He couldn't. Buffy and Dawn, he couldn’t bear to even think about seeing their faces if he were to kill humans again. That disappointment he’d see on their faces when they looked at him. He’d seen those expressions in his mind so many times in nightmares, and he would be damned if did anything to earn him the right to deserve that look from them in reality. Suddenly remembering Lorne's warning, the vampire he realized standing around with these blokes was getting him nowhere. He sniffed, shrugging his shoulders. He moved in one fluid motion and grabbed the purple demon by the throat, his hand gripping like a vice around the demons large neck. He laughed maniacally. He squeezed harder, snapping the bones in the demons neck. The satisfying feel of vertebrae crumbling into themselves and severing nerve cords greeted Spike’s rejoicing inner demon. "I don't care who or what I kill mate..."

The one in the master vampire’s hands coughed up blood before gasping to his death.

Spike dropped the lifeless body to the floor like an overused play toy that had just worn itself out. "Long as they bleed..." he turned to the two watching demons. "Next?"

The demons turned to regard each other for a moment, then decided against taking the one who had killed their comrades. Both bolted, making a run for it.

Spike grabbed the scaly one's wrist before it could slither past, flinging him hard into the brick wall behind them. It groaned in pain, clutching its long nose. Dark blue blood trickled from the gash that had opened in its face.

"I told you…" he growled. "…only one of you will live tonight." He turned, seeing the last demon was at the end of the alley already. Then he looked back at his cowering captive, smile wide and fangy. "Guess that means you pulled the short straw, ducks." He stalked over to the demon, who was looking less and less scary as the vampire bore down on him. Spike knelt down. "Did I also mention it doesn't matter what color you bleed either?" He asked conversationally, before grabbing the creature by his shoulder's tossing him like a rag doll. He walked over to where he'd thrown him, feeling so much like his old self, he almost forgot where he was and what he was doing. He lifted the demon, kicking at him, and throwing a few punches at him for good measure, but the demon was too small, and weak to fight back. "Oh c'mon mate! Make this SOMEWHAT challenging, will you?"

The demon breathed raggedly, choking on it’s own blood, which oozed from numerous abrasions on it’s face. He looked at Spike, speechless. It had had so much more confidence when it’s big bad friends had been there, but now…now it was just, pathetic.

Spike sighed. "Bloody hell, ruin my fun why don't you?" he sighed in resignation.

"Aw hell, might as well bugger off like your mate then..." Spike crossed his arms. The demon stood, trying to make a run for it on its attacker’s cue. Spike counted to three under his breath before grabbing the demon’s neck from behind and shoving its face into the hard cement.

"Second thought..." Spike took his foot and poised it against the base of the demon's neck. He slammed down, snapping the demon's neck right in half and flattening the flesh under the heel of his boot. Blue blood pooled around the sole shoe. "…Go to hell."

With that done, he smiled and dusted his hands off. "Well then..." he paused, wiping his shoe against the demon. "S’pose we’ve had enough fun." He shook off his demonic visage, and as he stepped over the carnage; a wave of guilt washed over him. He enjoyed that way too much. LA was changing him. Being chipless was changing him. He needed to go home. Home was in Sunny D with the slayer and her adorable lil sis. Yet, how could he go home chipless? Buffy would kill him; she couldn't trust him. Hell, he wasn't sure he could trust himself. What if he couldn't control the demon and something like tonight happened? Even if the victims had been demons.

Then there was Lorne's prediction. He took an un-needed breath and looked to the stars. Nothing frightened him more than losing Buffy, as a friend, or anything else. He feared for her life again. He'd find someway to control his demons, and he'd find someway to make Buffy see that he was still good, that he still wanted to be good, chip or no chip. He knew deep down going back was the right thing to do. He'd talk to her, tell her he was good, make her see. He had to. Their lives depended on it.

Thought after she finished kicking his ass for leaving in the first place, he was sure. Or more like, he hoped. She could be rejoicing his departure too. But something in the stars told him that wasn't so.

~*~*~*~

Riley couldn't believe this. Had something changed inside Buffy after she'd been...'reborn'?? He could not grasp the concept of her having any feelings for Spike that were other than utter disgust. "Buffy..."

"No, Riley." She cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Look, you don't think I don't know how ridiculous this sounds? This is a vampire, who happens to LOVE being a vampire, and is the epitome of evil. But he's changed. He has and no one can convince me now that he hasn't. After you left, Spike took care of us all, even after we drove him away. He wanted to help us, wanted to protect Dawnie. He took a severe punishment from Glory to protect her. He was practically dead, but he wouldn't tell her what she wanted to know. I'll never forget that. He did something good, because he wanted to."

"To score points with you! Buffy, I've found Spike in your room, stealing your clothes and things so many times. He's sick and perverted! He showed you that vamp place that night just to get me out of the picture!" Riley argued.

"Maybe he did. But, he didn't make you go there, Riley. If I can forgive you for the mistakes you've made, I can forgive Spike for the ones he's made. At least Spike's more than made up for it. Spike stuck around when it got tough, not hightailed it the other way," Buffy pointed out. "He cares for us, and whether or not it’s love on my end isn’t the point. Spike's a part of my life, and if you can't handle that, leave." Buffy was through defending herself and Spike.

"Spike's gone though, Buffy. He left too," Riley snubbed.

"He'll be back," Buffy walked away, her back turning to Riley. “He always comes back. He's good and you should know by now that Spike does whatever he wants. He always has. He chose to be good, for what reason I don't know, but I intend to ask him. I'm tired of running around in circles with men. Vampires, men and the whole male...male...group thing...." she trailed off dumbly. "I'm tired of seeing men run out of my life and for once, 'm not gonna let that happen..." Buffy assured herself with her words. She turned, a soulful pair of eyes in him. "I'd like for us to work on things too, but that can't happen until you leave Spike alone."

"I want to resolve things too, Buffy." He knew she was slipping from his grasp. He could see it in her eyes. And it was all because of a heartless, soulless demon. The very things she was supposed to kill. He stood stock still with disbelief, but she seemed quite adamant about how important Spike was to her. She just didn't classify what kind of important. "Until you decide what Spike means to you, I don't think we can talk about what we mean to each other." Riley was tired, but he wasn't giving up yet. "I'm staying in town till you tell me otherwise, Buffy. I love you and I'll fight for you, even against demons." he started retreating into the shadows. He brushed her cheek softly. "I'll be around."

She watched him go into the cold shadows of the night, and shivered coldly from his touch. It didn't feel so good anymore. That’s when she realized loving Riley again just didn't seem feasible. She sighed dramatically. Her life was worse than a daytime soap opera. She grunted, thinking of Spike and his obsession with Passions. She needed to find that damn vampire, kick his ass for leaving, and make him come home. Where he belonged. She looked at her watch and decided to head home. Tonight was not the night to search for him. It would be sunrise in a few hours.

~*~*~*~

He drove hell bent back towards Sunnydale, trying to outrun the impending sunrise. He didn’t know why Lorne’s reading had unnerved him so much, but it had, and he was going back, whether it was good for him or not. He let his mind drift back to those demons he had killed, and he smirked to himself in satisfaction. After the brawl he had come upon a human walking down the street, and just to see if things were holding out, he’d punched the bugger. No pain. It was weird, not feeling some mind-numbing pain when he hit someone. It had almost been like a part of him for so long. Strange that it felt odd, rather than normal. He’d let the man live, complaining about a sore jaw. Spike figured he could have gotten out worse than that if he’d been in the mood. But he hadn’t been.

He’d had plenty of action earlier with those ugly monsters that had jumped him outside of the club. Who needed to kill humans when there was a challenge to be had there? Demons were bigger, stronger and more importantly, deadlier than humans. They were a real challenge. Not one of Angelus’s precious easy kills. Spike had always been a fighter, and tonight’s battle had only confirmed the fact that he could still do it without killing humans. He was still a brawler. And he didn’t need to kill humans to prove it. It lifted a tremendous weight from his undead heart. The choice was his. He didn’t need to kill humans. He had his pig’s blood, demon slaying, Buffy, the bit, and the Scoobs. He could be happy.

He realized he didn’t exactly have Buffy yet, per say, but he knew his chances were better with the whole, not killing humans. And he didn’t have to. He rowed down the window and laughed to himself. He wasn’t just some neutered vamp that couldn’t hurt people. It was his choice now. And for Spike, that made all the difference. He didn’t feed on humans because he didn’t bloody well want to, and anyone who wanted to test his power because of his choice was welcome to step the hell up and see if they could back up their theories. No one could call him a bloody ponce without answering to him. He was the big bad. And how he chose to live his life was his own business, now. It was his bloody choice! He discovered that he’d be in Sunnydale within two hours; plenty of time to head back to the crypt for a nap before stopping by the house on Revello drive. He was going to see about his women. Spike grinned and turned on his radio, blaring the music loud and clear as he zipped on the California highway, his car the only one for miles.

Part XIII
Bloody Fool

Riley walked back to his car and jumped in. He would have offered Buffy a ride, but it would have been too awkward, and he wanted to be alone with his thoughts for now. What was it about Buffy that made him so crazy inside? And what was it about him that drove her back to her obsession with the undead? He shoved his keys into his ignition and the SUV roared to life, the radio at a comfortable level as he pulled out of his spot at the cemetery gate. He drove into the street slowly, his mind wandering all over the place, instead of concentrating on the small stretch of deserted Sunnydale road. The music played softly in the background. He sighed, seeing Buffy in his mind, telling him about Spike. He saw the far off look in her eye when she spoke about the vampire, the way her hand unconsciously rested on the curve of her stomach, like the mention of Spike’s name made it ache and flutter.

Baby I know the story
I’ve seen the picture
it’s written all over your face
Tell me, what’s the secret
That you've been hiding
and who’s gonna take my place

I should’ve seen it coming
I should’ve read the signs
Anyway, I guess it’s over

He should have known this was what he’d return to, he supposed. He had been asking for it, looking for the attractiveness of a vampire himself. What was it that made them so alluring to Buffy, and eventually, to himself? What was it about them that was so irresistible? He wondered if it was just Spike. But recalling Angel, he guessed it wasn’t so.

He groaned inwardly. Had his leaving driven Buffy back to something familiar? Or had she been playing him like that during their entire relationship? Had everything, past and present been in Angel’s shadow, only to fall into Spike’s as they progressed? He supposed he should have seen it coming. Her little Freudian slips. He distinctly recalled a, “if I wanted super powers, I’d be dating Spike,” somewhere in the back of his mind. Or, the way they made fun of each other, how he’d smirk with all that sexual allure, and how she’d flush and turn away from him, calling him all sorts of names that she obviously didn’t mean when push came to shove. The fire in their eyes when they fought each other, his fury seemed a little too strong at times, and her annoyance a little too vehement. There was passion there, amongst the raging insults and the flying barbs.

Can’t believe that I’m the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me
Can’t believe that I’m the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know, you never told me

This was partially his fault. He’d seen bits and pieces of their tumultuous fire, and had ignored it, preferring to live blissfully unaware to the flame that was sputtering to life under his very nose. He’d been in too much denial to see it. Buffy, his precious golden, perfect Buffy could not fall for an animal. That had been his opinion at the time however. But, Spike had made him aware that perhaps that was exactly what she needed.

He displaced the blame again. If that’s what she had wanted, all she had to do was tell him! He could be all about passion, emotion, flame. But he had thought she wanted a rock in her raging sea, something steady and always there. How did he know she’d fall for the raging wind?

Baby, you should’ve called me
When you were lonely
When you needed me to be there

Sadly, you never gave me
To many chances
To show you how much I care

And now? Now, it was obviously too late. The spark of flame between Slayer and vampire had grown to such extremes that apparently, their contact had to be evacuated. Spike had gone when the heat had overcome him and her both, only to have her missing every second of it. What a ride those two must be on, he thought to himself. He wondered why someone would want such an up and down relationship, so much hate and love all at once. He, personally, didn’t like complication.

Maybe that was part of his problem as well, and with it, something innately unattractive about him to Buffy. Her life had always been a whirlwind of everything, all tossed about and thrown in at once, chaos and disorder. He’d thought he could fix some of that for her, be her steady, guiding hand. He’d thought she’d wanted that order in her life. He was wrong. And apparently, he was paying for it now.

I should’ve seen it coming
I should’ve read the signs
Anyway, I guess it’s over

Can’t believe that I’m the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me
Can’t believe that I’m the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know, you never told me

The ex-commando sighed, trying to stay optimistic. She hadn’t said she hated Spike. She’d only said she’d missed him. But how could he ignore what every one of his senses was screaming at him? Just the looks they shared seem to have more heat than any of his lovemaking with Buffy. He felt so insignificant. And that made him angry. He didn’t want to loose that way. Not to Spike, of all people.

About the pain and the tears
If I could I would
Turn back the time

I should’ve seen it coming
I should’ve read the signs
Anyway, I guess it’s over

Can’t believe that I’m the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me
Can’t believe that I’m the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know, you never told me

Turning onto the street that housed Graham’s apartment, he slowed his car down, and lowered the volume on the radio. That look in Buffy’s eyes tonight had told him so many things. The truth, for one, even when she’d said she didn’t know. It hurt him, what he saw, and he convinced himself he needed to find a way to bring her back to him. They belonged together. For now, he’d ignore what he’d sensed, and he’d work harder on them, as a couple. He needed her. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, she’d need him just as much one day.

Can’t believe that I’m the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me
Can’t believe that I’m the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know, you never told me

Spike parked his Desoto behind the cemetery in its usual spot and hopped the fence, sprinting towards his crypt as the first rays of sunlight began to bounce off the horizon. He shut the door with a definitive clank behind him, smiling ruefully as he took in the place. She’d been here. He could smell her. It made him feel happy, knowing that she’d thought enough about what he’d said to come and say goodbye. He wondered if he should have taken longer to see that. Shaking his head, he decided that there was nothing he could gain from being nostalgic, and instead, he pulled the blood packets he had kept in the car from his duster pockets and stuck them in the fridge, along with his beer. He’d spend the day thinking. When the sun went down, he’d find her.

~*~*~*~

Sunlight streamed into Dawn's window, making her groan. She turned her head from the blinding light. She'd fallen asleep so quickly last night; she'd forgotten to pull in the shades. She threw her covers off and sat up, rubbing her sleep filled eyes. She turned to the clock and groaned again. If she didn't move now, she'd be late for school. With a sigh, she hopped out of bed to shower and change.

Twenty minutes later she knocked on her sister's door. "Buffy!! Wake up already! I'm gonna be late!" No answer, not even a tired moan.

"Buffy?" she knocked again, then opened her door. Her sister's bed was empty and made. Dawn turned and hurried down the stairs, her heart filling with worry. "Buffy?!" she called. It was totally unlike her to not be here.

Dawn sighed with relief, finding her sister asleep on the couch.

"Buffy..." Dawn called, annoyed at her brush with worry. She shook her gently. "Hey! C'mon!!" Dawn shouted.

Buffy groaned tiredly. She turned over, facing Dawn, still asleep. She smiled and mumbled, "Spike..."

Dawn's eyes widened and she put a hand to her mouth, holding in her bubbling giggles. "What did you say?" Dawn whispered, as not to wake her completely.

Her smile returned. "Spike..."

Dawn fell on her rump in disbelief. She couldn't believe it...

She stretched like a feline and sighed. Her eyes opened slowly. She looked over at Dawn and smiled. "Hey..." she said, her voice filled with sleep. Her eyes widened suddenly. "Oh my God! What time is it?" she jumped up, looking for the time.

She slapped a hand to her forehead and gasped. "Oh...oh go eat something fast, while I change! I made your lunch last night," she jumped off the couch, running for the stairs. She looked back at Dawn, who hadn't moved. She stared, perplexed. Then she groaned again. "Is it Saturday?"

Dawn had a giant grin on her face and she just shook her head no.

"Then why are you just sitting there with that silly grin on your face?! You'll be late Dawnie!" Buffy gaped. Dawn just beamed more brightly, finally starting to giggle. "What are you laughing about?!" Buffy sighed, tiredly.

Dawn had a 'I told you so' look on her face as she finally sat up, walking to Buffy. "You were sleeping on the couch..."

"And the humor in this, is?" Buffy wasn't following.

"And you were dreaming..." Dawn continued.

"Again, not finding any humor here." Buffy crossed her arms.

"You were dreaming about Spike!" Dawn let her grin split her face. "You were moaning his name!!"

Buffy raised her brows, staring at the girl. "Huh?"

"You were saying... 'Spike...Spike...’ I heard you!" her smile not losing any flare, as she mimicked her sister's voice.

Buffy sank to the steps. She flushed red. "So... maybe I was finally staking him..."

"Or kissing him...or…or… doing...more..." Dawn hinted.

"Oh no. Don't even… you're only fifteen, what do you know about...oh....geez.....Dawnie!!!" Buffy groaned unbearably embarrassed, head in hands. "I was NOT dreaming of Spike!"

"You were TOO!" Dawn argued. "I HEARD you!!!"

"Just cuz I said his name doesn't mean I was dreaming bout him! And...and...if I was, it was of me killing him!" Buffy argued back lamely. She'd been caught red-handed. Truth was, she was dreaming of Spike, but it was a sick and twisted dream. That's all...

"Sure Buffy," Dawn nodded sarcastically.

"It was!" She was losing the argument.

"Whatever you say..." Dawn crossed her arms, her grin not lessening.

"Ugh… I don't believe this... I was not kissing Spike!" she stood up, go eat before you're late for school!" Buffy ordered.

Dawn turned on her heel, walking into the kitchen. "Were too!!"

Buffy growled, stomping up the stairs.

~*~*~*~

Buffy walked Dawn to her building. "Okay, 'll see you later then, have a good day at school." She smiled.

"Don't forget my dentist appointment today!" Dawn told her.

"I won't, just don't you forget, missy," Buffy said sternly.

"Oh, I won't... Don't get caught up daydreaming about Spike though!" Dawn teased, before running for her life towards the building.

Buffy growled and stomped her foot. The girl had bothered her about it the whole way to school! She couldn't believe she'd actually said his name aloud. Sighing, she turned and headed towards the magic shop, thoughts (not all clean) ran through her head before she could stop them. God, had she really dreamt of Spike like that?

After her ordeal with Riley last night, she'd gone home and crashed on the couch immediately, refusing to think about him, or his accusations, or that kicked puppy look he got on his face. She'd fallen asleep within minutes, and in hear dreams, found herself in a dark cemetery. She'd been dressed in a sheer black, knee length dress, and her hair hung loose, in curls. She carried Mr. Pointy at her side, poised and ready, and she was moving in and out of the thick fog and the shadows cast by the trees and the moonlight. She had been walking forward, searching for something, or someone.

Suddenly, out of the fog, she saw a flash of black and turned towards it, stake poised, but when she looked, there was nothing there.

Then, out of thin air, cool hands gripped her arms, pulling her body backwards from behind, sending her flush against something solid.

She gasped in shock, but soon relaxed at the sound of his voice as hands ran up and down her arms with feather light touches.

"Easy luv..." he purred, his cool lips tracing the back her hair. He took one hand and brushed away her curls, putting his cool lips against her neck, sending a ripple through her skin. He nipped gently along her neckline, purring softly all the while.

She leaned her head back, inviting him closer. She smiled with complete satisfaction as his tongue darted out of his lips, tracing the pulse point at her throat.

His hands slid down the length of her arms, circling her abdomen. His purring grew louder at the intense pleasure of the feel of her against him.

She dropped her stake and found his hands with her own. She squeezed them affectionately as he continued nipping at her neck playfully with blunt teeth. She leaned into his coolness, her body radiating heat from his ministrations. She felt one hand leave her body, only to have his fingertips trace her cheek, down her throat, along her shoulder blade, to the strap of her dress. He brushed it off her shoulder with ease, replacing the newly exposed flesh with his lips. His hand worked its way back to her body, and found her tiny hand again, entwining their fingers.

She turned to face him, wanting so badly to see him. Her eyes found his chiseled, beautiful face and she the planes of it intently. Then, giving up on finding the part about him that she loved most, she cupped his cheek, the warmth of her hand, burning the sensation into cool skin. His eyes were the color of the ocean after a storm. His lips were pale and pressed together, wanting to continue his onslaught of tender kisses. She smiled at him; eyes alight with barely contained love and passion. She leaned in closer to him, inhaling the scent of leather and smoke and spice that was uniquely his, smiling tenderly at the familiar sensation. She rested her head on his sculpted chest, burying her face in his soft, well-worn duster.

His hands played anxiously against her back and shoulders, pulling the other strap of her dress off her shoulders, his cool palms pressing against the sheer fabric, sending waves of coolness over her skin. He pulled at her heatedly, pushing her as close as he could, while he rested his cheek against the top of her head, his chest vibrating with a deep, rumbling noise. He inhaled the scent of her moaned at the sweet familiarity of it. "Buffy... I love you..."

She looked up to him and his lips crashed down on hers, cold and hot all at once. She moaned in utter ecstasy as his tongue traced erotic patterns on her now parted, swollen lips. His kiss was full of such intensity it made her head swim. She kissed him back, with as much fervor, perhaps more, darting her warm tongue along his cool lips playfully, before biting on his bottom lip gently. He growled low in his throat, and she pulled back slightly, wanting to see his haunting eyes, clouded with passion for her.

"Spike..."

He caressed her shoulder with his hand, smiling at her gently, hearing the lusty trembles in her voice. His eyes were warm and tender, and were full of such uncontrolled emotion. More emotion than she ever dreamed he could have. He kissed her forehead, gently his lips lingering there in a sweet gesture. "God, you make me feel so alive Buffy."

"Spike..." She looked up at him, lips slightly parted, a pleasantly mussed, dazed expression on her face. She had been about ready to explode if he didn't kiss her again. And then, she’d woken up…her dream had ended. Thank God. Right? Of course!

Buffy argued with herself all the way to the magic shop, feeling her heart race as she relieved the best moments of the dream again and again. And again.

Oh God... What was happening to her? Fantasizing about Spike?! She wanted to feel repulsed and sick by the mere thought of it, but it had been such a tender, sweet dream. It had been anything but the bad dream she kept telling herself it should have been. "UGH! Bad Buffy!! NO!" she chastised herself sternly upon reaching the shop. She took a steadying breath, trying to force the dream out of her mind. But it wouldn’t leave. The slayer stepped inside the store, grinning largely at the simple image of Spike in her mind’s eye, though she didn’t know it.

"I told you Spike could do it!" Xander tooted, full of himself, as he flaunted that shit-eating grin of his.

"He did it, and she didn't even make him!" Willow agreed. "He did it cuz he wanted to! I knew he would..."

"Spike do what? What are you guys talking bout?" Buffy interrupted.

"Slay Master General!" Xander looked up. "How's it going? How's the Dawnster?"

"She’s fine." Buffy quirked an eyebrow warningly at her friend. He was obviously trying to change the subject. "Now, what are you guys talking about?"

Willow was more than happy to tell her. "Spike saved someone's life!"

"And you weren't around for him to try and score 'points'!" Tara added, proud of the vampire she had come to call friend.

"I..." Buffy paused. Was he back?? Had he come back to them?! "Spike's back?!" Buffy's eyes lit up.

"No, this was the other night, Buffy. Apparently just before he left Sunnydale..." Giles explained, a rather fascinated look in his eye from the strange events. A vampire voluntarily saving a stranger. Though Spike had done it numerous times in the past, one of the gang had always been present. They assumed he was doing it out of a need to for the further services of the humans. Yet here he had been, saving someone for the simple sake of saving them. Even though Spike had grown into a sort of friendship with the Scoobies it was still, for all intents and purposes, odd.

"Oh." She frowned. So he WASN’T back?

Giles watched the girl curiously. Why did she seem disappointed that he wasn't back?? He watched her slip into a chair at the table, looking somewhat saddened and just a little bit lost. "Is everything quite alright?" Giles asked gently, brow furrowing with concern.

"It’s fine." She smiled short and sweetly.

Something was definitely wrong, the watcher knew. He knew the slayer, who was like a daughter to him, and consequently, could read her like a book. Written in English. With pop-out pictures. And large print.

"Yeah, so back to Spike saving people!" Xander grinned.

"I can't believe how much all of you have changed your opinions. You of all people Xander… When did you turn into a cheerleader for team Spike?" Buffy questioned.

"Right about the same time he went out, risking his undead life every night to slay and protect Dawnie." Xander shrugged. "Guess he kinda grows on ya... like mold." His smile changed to a stern look. "But... he IS still a vamp!"

"Oh, come off of it Xand. You know you like the guy!" Willow pushed. "You're just jealous cuz he beats you in pool all the time! Not that anyone couldn't beat you. Cuz you know, you really suck and stuff."

"Soooo not the point. But thanks bunches Wills...for pointing out my suckiness... because I’m sure before just now, no one noticed." Xander smiled sarcastically at his oldest friend.

She grinned, bouncing in her seat, eyes alight with mischief and good humor.

"Anyway..." Anya rolled her eyes at how childish they both could get. "We found out that this girl had been attacked in the cemetery the other night. She was going for a stroll..."

"An obvious newcomer to Sunnydale," Tara added.

“Or otherwise very stupid,” Anya agreed.

"And it appears some type of demon...attacked her..." Giles continued.

"We've covered all that so far. My questions are, who told you, and how do we know Spike did the saving?" Buffy asked.

"And what kind of demon is important too!" Anya put in. “Because we’ll probably need to kill it.”

"It seems the girl had told a few friends, who also shop here..." Willow informed Buffy, ignoring Anya’s statement for now, however wise it may have been.

"Way to go on spreading out the business Giles," Buffy grinned.

Giles returned the gesture, eyes scrunching up with fondness, before turning his attention back to the matter at hand. "It appears she saw some flashing lights nearby and went to check it out…"

"Checking things out is a major no-no in Sunnydale..." Buffy stated. "What was it?"

"The demon who attacked her," Xander told.

"The flashy lights were a demon? What? I’ve got to worry about General Electric making demons now, too?" Buffy joked.

"Yes, something like that..." Giles took off his glasses. "It appeared to the girl as some type of... electrical demon... in any case…"

"Okay, and wackiness ensued..." Buffy shook her head. "How does Spike fit in?"

"Well it seems, the girl began to scream and out of nowhere Spike pops in to help. Like Superman. Except without the cape. And the tights. But hey, his name starts with an S, too!" Willow babbled excitedly, though with a keen eye on Buffy. There was something her best friend was keeping inside. She'd have to talk to her later. "It's a little foggy from there. Apparently, Spike told the girl to run but she came back later to see if he was okay. Said he seemed a little... out of it? I don't know what they called it, really. Maybe he was drunk or something… Anyway, the girl said she thought he'd been hurt, but he insisted he was fine and made her go..."

"After he called her Buffy and tried to kiss her..." Xander added, smirking. Boy, was he gonna tease Flashlight head when he got back. You know…if he got back.

"That's the 'how we know it was Spike' part."

Buffy lowered her eyes, and coughed. "Oook..."

"Not to mention, she said he had the coolest white hair..." Willow added, grinning.

"So score one for Spike, eh? Go Team Spike! And other stuff you say to celebrate," Anya rambled, watching some customers over in the front of the store. "Whoops... Hey! I'm here to help! Lemme help you!" she called to them, getting up. “I can show you the expensive stuff if you’d like!”

"Still working on that 'let's not be blunt' thing with her, huh?" Buffy chuckled, changing the subject.

"And people say it pays to go to college. I'm a learning machine!" Xander cracked, and then winced when Anya pushed a statuette into one of the customer’s faces. “Or not. Well, maybe she needs the remedial course.”

"Back to the matter at hand..." Giles cleared his throat, hoping Anya wouldn’t permanently traumatize one of the customers. "No one's seen Spike since then and you're pretty sure he's left Sunnydale, right Buffy?"

"His place sure left enough evidence to back that up, yeah..." Buffy thumbed through a book. "So what do we know about the electricky demon?"

"He's electrifying..." Willow teased.

Buffy smiled gently. "Other than that?"

"Nothing that research can't uncover," Giles sat at the table, book in hand.

"Research...yay for research!" Buffy drawled, though she immediately buried her face into a book. At least if she was reading, she wouldn't have to think of Spike.

Willow watched her friend from across the table, wondering just what was up with her.

Part XIV
Forgotten

Hours later, Dawn stood outside her school building, impatiently waiting for Buffy to pick her up. She glared at her watch for the umpteenth time and sighed. Her sister was already a half hour late picking her up, and her dentist appointment was slowly ticking away. She sighed, hoping her sister was okay. Something must have come up. She paced the steps for a little while longer, watching the cars and people go by, until it slowly died down to a trickle, and there was just Dawn. Waiting. Still.

"Okay, this is fine," she said to herself, taking the steps down two at a time. "I'll just take myself to the dentist." she shook her head. "It's bad enough I have to go..." she shook her head. But if she skipped it, Buffy would still kill her. If she didn't kill her for leaving the school alone first. But hey, it was getting later, and Buffy she forgot then it wasn't Dawn's fault. Right?

She stalked down the sidewalk, headed for the dentist.

~*~*~*~

Buffy stood in the training room; book in hand. She walked lazily in circles as she read, because she couldn’t stand to sit any longer. In the hours of research that they'd done, they'd turned nothing up on any type of demon that could harness electricity, let alone one made of it.

"Hey..." Willow's voice echoed in the quiet room as she joined Buffy inside.

"Hey," Buffy greeted back, looked up. "Find something? Anything?"

"Nope," Willow shook her head. She stared at her friend, wondering what to say.

"What is it, Wills?" Buffy asked, setting down the book.

"Well... I was wondering...what’s bothering you?" Willow questioned, deciding to just get to the point. Like Spike always said to. Cuz, she had this habit of rambling, and over the summer, she’d done a lot of it, and Spike had always been the one tell her to get to the point and stuff, so she figured she’d try it and see if it worked and… oh wait.

"Nothing at all..." Buffy lied, eyes darting away.

"C'mon, Buffy. I know something is bothering you..." Willow pressed her friend gently. Buffy bit her lip, wanting to share with Will, but not knowing where to start. How could she tell her friend that what was really bothering her was that dream about Spike? It was driving her to complete distraction! She couldn’t stop thinking about it. And then there was Spike in general, for that matter... Than she'd have to admit there was feelings there for her to be bothered by in the first place. She faked another smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

"I'm fine, really..."

"Okay, yeah, and I'm really straight," Willow snorted. She gripped her friend's wrist gently, trying to ease her into conversation. "C'mon Buffy, you've been acting strange all day..."

"I have? How?" Buffy argued.

"Researching? Actually reading the stuff? Instead of skimming pictures? Sooo not the Buffy I know..." Willow pointed out.

"I miss school.." Buffy lied lamely. “The whole college thing.”

Willow's eyes widened. "Okay, now I know something’s wrong. Very wrong.” She tugged her friend down onto the small couch to the side of the room. "It is Riley?"

Buffy didn't answer.

"Or Spike?"

Her head shot down, eyeing the floor. Willow smiled (or frowned, she wasn’t quite sure) to herself. Bingo.

~*~*~*~

Dawn smiled at the dentist with relief, three hours later. She'd had no cavities so there was no need to see him again until it was time for another cleaning. A definite ray of sunshine amidst all the clouds today. Now she had to head home and do her homework. Joy.

"Are you sure you don't need a ride, Miss Summers? It is dark out now..." the dentist, Doctor James, asked.

"Oh, no thanks Doctor James. I'll be fine, my house isn't too far from here..." Dawn responded.

"I’m surprised your sister isn’t here to pick you up..." the dentist frowned, disapprovingly.

Me too... Dawn thought, growing slightly worried. Maybe Buffy had run into trouble? Of the slimy, green, scaly, fangy, oozy type? She forced the thoughts from her head. "Um, she was...uh…food shopping…so since home isn't too far, she figured 'd be okay. I'm a big girl."

The dentist smiled. "Yes, you are. Just be safe."

"I will," Dawn nodded, grabbing her backpack. "Goodnight..."

"Good night, Dawn," the dentist called as she left the offices.

She stepped out into the cool night air, straightening the straps of her 50 lb. backpack as she did. She sighed, a bit frightened at the completely bare, silent street that greeted her. The smarter residents of Sunnydale were inside locked doors at this point, she surmised. She suddenly wished Spike was around. Well, she had been wishing he was around all day, but she wished he was here even more than before right now. He had always been there to protect her, when Buffy wasn't.

And with that, she began wondering just where the in the bloody hell Buffy was, and if her sister was okay... She started down the block, her fears relenting slightly. At least it wasn't a long walk to home. Once she was home, she'd call Giles to ask him if he knew where the slayer was.

~*~*~*~

Riley strolled into the magic shop, ringing the little bell on the door as he did. The members of the gang all looked up, half expecting to see William the Bloody waltzing into their mists after realizing that he had become an integral part of the group and couldn’t just leave like he had.

“Hey Spike we found…” Xander trailed off as he realized who it was. “Oh. Hey Riley!”

Ignoring the younger boy’s slip and giving him points for the cheery greeting, Riley smiled smally. “Hey everyone. Um… so, is Buffy…”

“Training room,” Giles responded, not taking his eyes off of the fascinating book he was looking at. Riley wasn’t someone he worried about often. As long as he wasn’t terrorizing Buffy, everything was fine. Though, the watcher wondered if the boy wasn’t the reason Spike had left recently.

Riley nodded and headed back towards the training room, straightening his shoulders and setting his jaw. He ignored the offhanded way the Scoobies had dealt with him. To them, he was just harmless, old Riley. Good old, dependable Riley. Well, he needed to be different from here on out. Fiercer, more passionate, more tumultuous. He could do that. He really could.

The ex-commando creaked the door open, revealing the training room, where Buffy and Willow sat, talking deeply about something or another.

The girls looked up at the sound of his footfalls on the tile, and abruptly ceased their conversation; bathing the room in silence, save for his footsteps and their breathing. He pretended not to notice how silent they had gotten upon his arrival. “Buffy.” He tried to put force behind his voice. “We’re going to talk.”

“Um…I’ll go,” Willow stated quietly, looking from her best friend to her ex, then back again. Buffy nodded, and with that small motion of consent, the witch quickly made her way out of the room, smiling awkwardly at Riley as she passed. He smiled back just as awkwardly, and she hurried out the door, closing it behind her. She had research to do, anyway.

“Hi, Riley,” Buffy greeted, regarding him curiously.

He tried not to do anything awkward, like run his hand through his hair or fidget. He tried to exude confidence, ferocity. If that was what she wanted, that was what she’d get.

She was puzzled now, not seeing any of his usual foibles. He didn’t rub his neck with his hand or fidget with his arms or hair. You know, those little things that made him Riley to her. “What’s up?” she asked, slightly worried.

He didn’t respond at first, completely blanking on what he had planned to say to her. He only knew it had been something passionate, a declaration of love more heated than anything he’d ever been known to do. But it had suddenly left him in her presence, and his throat momentarily went dry. Noting the look she was giving him, he decided it would be best to say something. Anything.

“I can be what you want me to be,” he blurted before he could stop himself. He mentally smacked himself the second he said it, noting her immediate, bewildered reaction. Whatever happened to cool aloofness to sudden passion, to nothing again? That had been his plan, in any case.

She looked surprise. “What?”

He decided to be straightforward. “You want some monster? You want an up and down ride? Heat? Passion? Hate? Love? I can give it to you. Just give me the word. And it’s yours.”

Buffy realized Riley was sounding desperate, and it sort of scared her. Good old, reliable Riley wasn’t so good or reliable right now. “Are you okay?” she asked. “I mean, I know what I said last night must have been weird…but… it didn’t DO anything to you, did it?”

He looked at her. “What do you mean? It did EVERYTHING! I know what you want now. You want someone who drives you nuts and up and down and all over the place. You want something unpredictable and crazy.”

His words stunned her. She didn’t want that… did she? Inwardly, she sighed. What did she know? She never knew what she wanted. Or she wouldn’t admit to herself what she wanted. In ether case, his words hit something. Pushing that little twang of panic and shock back, she tried to face him with reason. “What are you talking about, Riley? That’s not what I want.”

He was immensely frustrated right about now, and he couldn’t help but run both hands through his hair simultaneously, emitting a high-pitched sound of frustration as he did. “Fine. Fine, let’s say for a second, that isn't what you want. What do you want, then?”

~*~*~*~

Dawn walked briskly, trying to remember that Spike had said if she needed him, he’d be there. It sort of gave her comfort, even though she knew he wasn’t here, right now. But the mantra gave her enough confidence to continue her solitary walk down the street, backpack bouncing noisily behind her as she did. She pictured anything out there that would even dare touch her being ripped apart by her guardian vampire, then spit upon and made fun of as it died a horrible, pain filled death. The thought of him tearing into anything and anyone that wanted to hurt her eased her internal worry. She strode with a little more confidence after a while, as she neared the Magic Shop. She was soooooo going to kill Buffy for this once she got there. That’s what she told herself, anyway. She knew her sister was preoccupied with Spike and Riley issues, but still, Dawn figured this little situation was good enough to get her some “get out of jail free” cards when it came to Buffy. If she played her cards right, anyway. She smirked a smirk reminiscent of Spike’s at the thought.

“Hey Dawn!!! Dawn Summers!!! Hellooo!!”

Dawn jumped visibly at the sudden sound in the previously dead silent night. Obviously, she hadn’t been as calm as she first assumed. Taking a deep breath to quell the sudden tremors racking her body, she turned around to see who had called her. She saw her friend Lisa and a group of others walking on the opposite side of the street, back in the direction of town. “Um…hey guys!” she called, smiling and waving at them.

“Where’re you all going at 8 o’clock at night?”

Lisa waved her over so they wouldn’t have to shout across the street. “We thought we’d go study at the Bronze, you know, for that HUGE English test we have tomorrow over Great Expectations? Most of us need to do some major cramming for Mister Wilson’s exam. I hear it’s going to be a killer.”

Dawn blanched. “Oh my God, I forgot completely...”

The group looked at her, incredulous. “How could you forget?” Jasmine asked her friend, disbelieving. “It’s like, the biggest grade of the six weeks!”

“God, I’ve just been busy,” Dawn sighed. “Hey, can I come with you guys to study? I mean, if you don’t mind or anything.”

Lisa nodded. “Sure D. There’s live band tonight at the Bronze, so we thought we’d check it out amidst all the studying,” the girl explained, grabbing onto Dawn’s arm and marching them back in the direction from which she had first come, towards the club. Dawn just hoped Buffy didn’t kill her for this. She needed to study, anyway. It was important. Plus the whole live band at the Bronze? Definitely something to go see. Buffy would understand.

~*~*~*~

Spike polished off the rest of his blooming onion and pushed the plate away from him at the Bronze. The band blew, the sound a mix between alternative and folk, and he had been asked to dance by so many Goth chicks tonight he really was tempted to take one out and kill her just because it was wearing on him. But then he thought about Buffy, and about beating the odds and breaking the rules, and all he could do was politely decline each offer they made him.

He sipped his Guinness and sighed. Here he was, again. Good old Sunnyhell. The one place that drew him like a moth to a flame. He toasted it with his bottle and grinned ironically to himself. So… now what? He was here… and after numerous tests to just make sure he hadn’t been hallucinating, he could hurt humans. If the man he’d slugged was any indication, anyway. But that man had been a ponce, and as far as Spike was concerned, had deserved the broken jaw for the way he had been treating his girlfriend.

He set his drink aside and watched the evening crowd gyrating to the terrible music. What the hell were they all doing here anyway? It was a weeknight. They should be at home, studying, like his Nibblet was. No question that Buffy’d be helping little sis for that big Great Expectations test coming up tomorrow. He had been the one to help her with summer school after Buffy had died, studied with the Bit and all that school stuff she’d been forced into. They’d done good together, she and him. He wondered what she was doing right now. He missed her. Her and big sis.

You're lost little girl
You're lost little girl
You're lost
Tell me who
Are you?

As if some higher power was out to play with his mind, Spike saw Dawn walk into the Bronze, surrounded by a group of her mates. He gaped, frozen for a second, surprised to see her here on a school night, without anyone to watch out for her, on top of that? The vampire grew annoyed. Was that it, then? Was Spike the only one who had time to keep an eye on Platelet? He growled low in his throat and left his table by the bar, fading back into the shadows of the dimly lit club. He’d watch out for her, like always, but she didn’t need to know he was here. One thing good about being a vampire, he mused, was that he could fade in and out of the dark with little effort. Before long he was sidled up not 10 feet from her and her little buddies who were gathered around some of the old couches, books on the table and soda money in hand.

I think that you know what to do
Impossible? Yes, but it's true
I think that you know what to do, yeah
I'm sure that you know what to do

He watched them from behind, and studied Nibblet. She looked tired. A little frazzled. Spike realized he must have forgotten to study for the bloody test. And didn’t she have a dentist appointment this week? Where the hell was Buffy? She hadn’t ditched Bit to run off with Cap’n Styrofoam, had she? Worry gnawed at him. Dawn looked slightly disturbed, like something was weighing on her.

You're lost little girl
You're lost little girl
You're lost
Tell me who
Are you?

Then one of her fella friends put his book down and asked her to dance, being all goofy about it and making her laugh a little, but it was mostly forced. That whelp of a boy with his hand on Dawn reminded Spike a lot of Xander, and he swore that he’d die before he saw Dawn get picked up by the likes of that. The two headed for the dance floor and Dawn looked around, in the group of writhing people, looking somewhat uncomfortable. He wondered why.

You're lost little girl
You're lost little girl
You're lost

Dawn let Ronald lead her out on the dance floor just because she didn’t really know how to say no to him without hurting his feelings. All she really wanted to do was study for her test. Normally, Spike would have helped her, and she would have been safe and sound at home, but things hand changed drastically between then and now.

She was sort of afraid here, knowing that no one knew where she was, or was looking out for her. She realized she should have called Buffy to let her know where she was. If her sister had figured things out buy now, she would be worried sick.

She danced with Ronald for a little bit, so as not to insult him, but halfway through excused herself and headed towards the bar, where she knew she could borrow a phone to call Buffy.

Dawn walked up to the bar and coughed, alerting the bartender to her presence. He frowned at looked at her. “Look kid, there’s no way in hell you’re old enough to…”

“I don’t want alcohol,” she responded hastily. “I was just wondering if I could borrow your phone.”

“Uh, yeah,” the man agreed, pushing a tan phone towards her. “Local calls only.”

She nodded. “Yeah. Just a local call…”

She waited, the sound of the phone ringing at her house on Revello drive. She patted her fingers on the countertop while she waited for an answer, noting a bunch of guys wearing UC Sunnydale shirts screwing around and grinning as they strolled up the bar. One of them looked right at her and she turned away, just waiting for Buffy to pick up. Then, a meaty hand suddenly pushed down the button on the phone and all she heard was the dial tone. “Hey!” she protested, glaring at the college boy.

“Hey yourself girlie,” he responded, leering.

~*~*~*~

Buffy turned her eyes and walked away from him. She sighed, looking heavenward. Is this what she came back to life for? To be tortured to death until she made a decision about her romantic life?! Especially considering how every decision she's made in the past has been a bad one. She groaned, turning on her heel to face him, a few feet away now. "Riley, why can't you just settle for being really important to me right now?" Buffy asked, almost pleaded. He frowned slightly at her statement. "I don't know what I want, okay? I told you a thousand times over. I just DON'T know!" She exclaimed, before calming herself with a deep breath that inevitably turned into a long-suffering sigh. "Can't we just take this slow? Why do we have to rush into decisions?"

"I don't wanna be strung along like a lapdog, Buffy. It may work with Spike, but it doesn't work with me," Riley shook his head. "I don't think you'll ever decide if we just keep putting the issues on the back burner."

"I don't string along anyone, Riley," Buffy snapped back, lips pressing into a thoughtful frown. Did she? She bit her lip, unsure of herself. Why did he have to tear all her resolve apart?! "If you can't give it time Riley, than just go on and walk out of my life again. Except, this time, don't come back!"

"You know that’s not what I want, Buffy. I don't know if that’s what you want, but all I'm saying is, how much longer can you keep putting it off?"

Riley stepped closer to her, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm a good man Buffy. I try, I really do. But it never seems enough. If you need more than I'll try to give you more. If you want a little bad boy in your man... I...I... could try..."

Buffy shivered in his embrace. She turned her eyes. "Riley, you can't change who you are to make me happy. Just like I can't change who I am to please anyone, I've tried. I'm the slayer, and no one seems to get that. They're never satisfied. They want more Buffy, or more of the slayer. When will anyone be satisfied with just me?!" She pulled away, uncomfortable in his embrace. "I don't want a bad boy Riley, or a good boy or whatever it is you've gotten into your head. How can you possibly know what I need, if I don't?!"

"Buffy, I'm a human being. I can do all the things you need and want. To walk in the sunlight, to get a job, take care of you, give you a family..." Riley pleaded, trying to dig his way out of the hole she buried him in.

"Spike can't do that. He can't give you children; he can't walk in the sunlight. He's a killer! A soulless demon! He's an evil monster, who's nothing but a killer!"

"He's not a killer!" Buffy defended. "Not anymore!"

"All because of some extra hardware in his brain!" Riley tried to rationalize. "Can't you see he's a killer! He's soulless."

Buffy glared. "I know plenty of killers with souls!" She couldn't believe the lengths she was going to defend Spike.

"What if he turns on you??! What if you wake up one day and he kills you, or your friends?! Or Dawn?! How can you risk that? Look what happened with Angel! And he had a soul!" Riley argued. "There's no remorse in Spike. No love. Just evil."

"Stop it!" Buffy wanted to pull her hair out in frustration. "Spike wouldn't hurt Dawn!! I know it! In my gut! In my heart! In my head! It's all bubbling around inside! Can't you see it?! Spike's changed!"

"Changed for how long? I'm the closest you get to perfect Buffy. I love you so much, can't YOU see that?" Riley was losing badly.

She stared at him like he was made of glass. Her jaw dropped.

"What? What did I say?" he asked.

"Oh God... Dawn...." Buffy mumbled. She broke her transfixed gaze. "I forgot Dawn! I forgot!" her eyes welled up with guilty tears and she ran from the room.

"Buffy!! Wait!!!" Riley called.

"I can't! Dawn's all alone!" She burst into the other room.

"What's wrong?" Giles asked.

"Dawnie... we need to find her..." Buffy rushed out the store, not bothering to explain anymore than that. She ran towards the school first, and if she wasn’t still there she'd check the dentist.

Riley looked at the stunned group. "I'll go check home and the cemetery," he stated, a bit meekly. Tara and Willow offered to check their place and school.

Xander took Anya’s hand and led her towards the door. "Anya and I will check the streets and hospital."

Giles nodded. "I'll wait here incase she decides to come by."

Part XV
Protector

"I'm using the phone, you'll just have to wait your turn," Dawn pulled the phone back towards her and started dialing again., sparing an annoyed look at Frat boy.

The older, bigger boy ripped the phone from her hands. "Screw you, little girl. I'll use the damn phone whenever the hell I want to." He picked up the receiver.

Dawn growled angrily and glared at him. "Yeah, piss off,” she muttered, unconsciously uttering one of Spike’s favorite phrases.

The college boy stopped dialing and turned his head to her. "What did you say to me!?"

"Wow, Frat boys really are dumber than your average dumb person..." Dawn snorted. "I said… piss off!" She grabbed the receiver away from him.

His friends laughed at him. "You gonna let a high school brat overpower you, Terry?"

"Easy now..." the bartender warned. One of his friends laughed drunkenly and socked the guy right in the face, knocking him out.

Dawn swallowed hard, her heart pounding in fear as she regarded the expressions of her oppressors. She'd gone too far. She just couldn't stand bullies, never had been able to stomach them. So as her principles dictated, she stood toe-to-toe bravely with the taller, muscular, football type guy. She stared hard, hoping her fear wasn't showing in her eyes.

"You're a dead little bitch..." the one called Terry grabbed Dawn's arm forcefully.

"Ow!" she grunted. "Lemme go, you jerk!!!" She squirmed, and smacked at the offensive appendage holding her in his grip, but it was too tight. She was going to pass out soon, from fear. Oh God... what had she gotten herself into?!

Dawn had always thought a vampire, or demon, or something dark and ugly living inside of Sunnydale would eventually kill her. She, for the most part, had forgotten that there were human monsters out there as well. And sometimes, they were far worse than any demon she could ever have met. Dawn tried to get the bully to leave her alone, but he just laughed and shoved her into a group of his friends on the far side of the bar, near the wall at the back of the club. She could smell the alcohol on their breath as she stumbled into two of them, and she scrunched up her nose in disgust. “Leave me alone!” she protested, when one of them smacked her rump and grinned. “Don’t touch me!”

~*~*~*~

Spike stuck to the shadows, noticing Dawn had made her way off the dance floor. He took the long way around the club to keep from being seen, following the familiar smell and feel of her. He didn’t want to alert her to his presence, just yet. Technically, he was supposed to be gone. Slinking around towards the bar, his brow furrowed when he didn’t see her right away. He had been sure this was where she was headed…

“Ow! Stop it!!!”

The sound of her voice caught his attention, and he immediately stood straight up, hearing the distress and the pain there. He growled low in his throat, and had to hold him self back physically for a moment so he wouldn’t vamp out right then and there. Forgetting his carefully laid plans, he charged forward, shoving his way through a necking couple and a group of kids smoking and laughing by the stairs. And when he came into full view of the bar, the tenuous hold he had on his calm severed completely. Three lugs in UC Sunnydale sweaters were laughing and grabbing at his Platelet like stray dogs nipping over a king’s meal. He could see their slightly dilated pupils and smell the beer on them from a mile away.

The vampire frowned. This just wouldn’t do, now would it? There were certain things in his life that he would not watch, would not allow. One of them was daytime talk shows. Another of them was seeing Dawn that bloody terrified. So terrified that she was shaking, that her voice floundered and she looked absolutely hopeless. He had seen her wear that expression only once before, back at the tower with Doc, and by the life and un-life of him, he bloody well refused to stand by and see it again. Fail her again. This time, this time, he could handle it. He strode forward purposefully and shoved the one kid with his back to him out of the way, intercepting Dawn as she was shoved in his direction and pulling her behind him.

“Spike!!!” Dawn exclaimed in surprise, relief flooding her immediately, though he noted her voice still shook slightly. “What are you…”

“I told you I’d be here if you ever needed me, didn’t I, Nibblet?” he asked, letting go of some of his anger to look at her reassuringly. His eyes were so much softer when he looked at her. Her and Buffy.

Dawn took in the warmth of his fondness in his expression and relaxed a little, though she was still terrified. “You always have been,” she stated quietly.

He smiled at the irony of the statement, recalling the tower again briefly, before dropping it for another brood time, another brood place. He turned back to the three college blokes, who looked quite indignant, now that their fun had been stopped. “Hey, who the hell do you think you are, you 80’s punk reject?” a blonde one asked, crooked nose turned up at the smaller, more wiry Spike. The vampire growled.

“I think, I’m the one that’s going to take the lady home. And I think, I’m the one that’s going to make you apologize to her. What do you think, if you do at all?” Spike asked conversationally. But Dawn could hear his fury bubbling just below the surface.

Whenever he got like that his voice was flat and cold. It meant he was pissed. It meant that he needed a decent spot of violence, and that if anyone touched her again and scared her like that, he would rip them apart, human or not. He had always been like that for her. She realized it was because they needed each other. They had needed each other to convince the other that Buffy’s death hadn’t been either of their faults. And over the months, they had clung to that need rather than separate when Buffy had returned. He was her best friend.

Every time she had been remotely hurt, Spike had been there for her. Whether it had been something as terrifying as reliving nightmares of Buffy’s death at night or something as trivial as scraping her knee. He protected her. Not just because he had promised to, but also because he loved her.

“I think you’re stupid, cuz there’s three of us and one of you,” one of the jocks responded, a decidedly stereotypical sneer in his voice. “That’s what I think.”

Dawn stepped back a bit from Spike, knowing he’d need room to maneuver. He wouldn’t be able to hit the humans without setting his chip off, but she knew he’d do it anyway. He was just that way.

“I’m impressed. You counted past one,” Spike responded. Hearing Dawn step back, he turned slightly to look at her out of the corner of his eye. “Bit, get ready, we’re leaving.”

“Yeah, in a body bag,” the college boy with the surfer accent scoffed. The one next to him, the brunette with the spiked hair, grinned and nodded like an idiot.

“Both of them,” he agreed.

Spike was incensed. He would let them threaten him because he was an equal match for them, whether they knew it or not. But threatening to kill Dawn just made him see red all around. He wanted to snap their necks between his hands, or drain them dry and laugh as the life faded out of them slowly and painfully. He wanted to kill them for even thinking that he’d let them hurt his Nibblet. But a voice in the back of his head told him that doing that WOULD lose for him, one of the most precious things in his life right now. Killing them would estrange him from Dawn. She would fear him, would loathe him. Be disgusted and call him murderer. He didn’t think he could take that, not from her.

Hearing one of the jocks sneaking up on him, Spike made a decision, right then and there. He worked around his fury. So instead of spinning around like he had wanted to so he would end up behind his attacker to be in a good position to rip the kid’s jugular out, the vamp simply ducked the punch from the side easily, having heard the clumsy git move to draw his arm back in preparation for an attack. Spike hated sucker punchers. The jock, completely off balance from missing Spike, lurched forward, and the vampire caught his extended arm, pushing it downward and breaking it across his knee. The sound of shattering bone was pleasant, a sensation he had sort of missed since the insertion of the chip. The boy cried out in horror, seeing the jagged end of bone extending through the meat of his arm. Spike brought up his elbow and clocked his opponent in the face, knocking him backwards into the bar hard and rendering him unconscious. He knew Dawn wouldn’t have liked to see the bone breaking, but Spike REALLY hated sucker punchers.

The other two jocks, still standing stock still from utter surprise, looked at each other, the heap on the floor that was their friend, then back at Spike. They charged forward at the same time, intent on driving the bleached blond man in the black duster back into the edge of the bar and winding him. The vampire leapt over them in a graceful arc, executing a perfect flip over them at the last second. Imagine their surprise when he clanked their heads together harshly from behind and shoved them into the bar, to land other friend, who was already unconscious and twitching on the floor. Both of them slid bonelessly to the ground, completely blacked out. They would probably be like that for a long while.

Taking a moment to admire his handiwork, Spike smirked at the three unconscious lugs, who all reminded him in one way or another, of Captain Cardboard. Then, he remembered that this little altercation hadn’t been a simple bar brawl to satiate a little bit of blood lust. Dawn was still here. Spike stiffened and turned around slowly, so he could look at her. The girl stood behind him with her mouth open slightly, eyes big and bewildered. She stared at the pile of College boys for a minute, as if coming to terms, and then forced her gaze back to William. Her brow furrowed, and she moistened her lips, speaking slowly to keep her voice from shaking. “What…what kind of demons were they?” she asked softly, though she already knew the answer.

“You and I both know you know the answer to that one, pet,” Spike responded gently. He almost expected her to draw back in fear, try to hide away from him, now that he could hurt humans. He waited for a reaction, braced himself for it by closing his eyes.

He could see her reaction in his mind’s eye. She was recoiled in absolute horror in his mental image, and putting a stool between herself and him as if it would afford a meek means of protection from the bloodthirsty monster.
Her lips would be trembling slightly and her eyes would be huge and liquid. He heard the mental image of his girl whimper a quiet, ‘don’t hurt me, please’ in that shaky way her voice got when she was scared. He saw her eyes well up with tears, saw her look at him a moment before turning around and running as fast as she could, in the opposite direction. He was used to that sort of thing now he supposed, or he should be, anyway. The people he loved running from him because he wasn’t what they wanted him to be. He expected it.

What she did next surprised no one more than him. Maybe it surprised her a little too. He suddenly found himself arm deep in Platelet, her hands wrapped tightly around his neck as she sobbed against him. “They were horrible Spike… I was scared…I didn’t think…” she trailed off, crying softly. “They were monsters.”

Spike tightened his arms around her protectively, cooing words of reassurance in her ears, though he knew that she knew what those boys would have taken from her if they’d been given the chance. “It’s all right Bit, I’ve got you.” He squeezed her for emphasis. “I’ve got you.”

She nodded against him and tried to stop crying, though he could still feel her body give the occasional shudder of disgust. “Thank you, for protecting me,” she said quietly, drawing the back of her hand across her eyes to dislodge the tears there.

“Until the end of the world,” he muttered back, petting her hair gently.

“Spike?”

Her voice was small. “Yes, pet?”

“You’re more human than any of them. People like that.” She wanted him to know that. He needed to believe it.

“I’m a vampire, luv.”

“I know,” she responded, hugging him tighter. And she accepted him. It made his throat catch slightly. Chipless, and violent, and undead, she accepted him. He was reminded yet again, why he loved this girl.

“Let’s get you home, Bit. Big Sis will worry,” he murmured, pulling back slightly and looking at her still tear stained face. He pulled the cuff of his duster over his hand and wiped the liquid away from her cheeks gently.

She nodded. “Let’s go home.”

~*~*~*~

Riley searched the house on Revello Drive from top to bottom, but no Dawn. He sighed, wondering if checking the cemetery was worth it, or if he should look in the parks. Where would a fifteen-year-old girl want to go in the middle of the night anyway? When he had been that age he’d been home at 6 every night, doing his homework or playing football with his brothers. Times sure had changed.

He considered the night he'd found Spike in Buffy's room, and how protective of Spike, Dawn had been. He wondered if she'd gone to his crypt. Or… what if Spike had come back and kidnapped Dawn?! Riley left the house and ran down the block at a dead run. If he managed to save Dawn, maybe Buffy would realize what a beast Spike really was.

~*~*~*~

Minutes after Riley had left the Summer’s house, Spike escorted Dawn through the front door and deposited her unto the threshold rather gallantly. He had been a Victorian gentleman, after all. Dawn smiled up at him. "I'm glad you were there tonight, Spike."

"Where’s big sis?" Spike asked, scared brow knitting. "She shouldn't have left you all alone at the Bronze."

Dawn sighed. "I dunno... she was supposed to pick me up from school and take me to the dentist. She never showed, so I went by myself, and was on my way home, when I realized I forgot all about my big test tomorrow."

"Buffy didn't help you?" Spike sighed.

"No...she...uh..." Dawn paused. "Well, she's been kinda..."

"With Cap'n Cardboard, eh?" Spike asked, trying to sound confident about saying that. It didn’t quite play out.

"No, no not at all." Dawn shook her head. "Spike…she's just been…well, kinda lost since you left."

Spike's eyes widened and if his heart still beat, he was sure it would've stopped from the absolute shock of his Bit’s statement. "What?"

Dawn tried to suppress a small smile. "We were both pretty distraught..." She pouted, suddenly looking up at him those huge, luminous eyes. "How could you leave us?" Dawn asked, smacking him in the chest furiously.

Spike frowned sadly, wanting to stake himself for the hurt in Dawn's eyes but caught her hand with his own instead, and held it. "I'm sorry, Little Bit... I thought it was for the best..." Spike sighed, squeezing her hand gently. "Your sis... and I...she needed me to leave..."

"No Spike... she didn't! Don't you see, that’s all the men in her life do… leave..." Dawn explained; her voice filled with sadness. She didn't want to betray her sister. She'd leave it up to her to explain the state she was in after he left.

"I'm sorry, Nibblet. I'm here now, an’ I promise you I'll never leave you again." Spike pulled her too him and hugged her gently. "Until Buffy finds out 'm chipless and runs a clothespin through me anyway...."

Dawn gasped and pulled back from his familiar embrace. She couldn’t believe she’d almost forgotten that! "How, how did you get the chip out? Is that where you went Spike?"

He shook his head. "Nah. Was on my way to LA, when this thing was attacking someone in the graveyard..." Spike started, awkward to admit what a sodding hero he was turning out to be. "Some type of electrical demon..." He paused. "It shocked me, an’ when I woke...presto, no chip buzzing around in my head."

"H..how...did you know?" Dawn was almost afraid to ask.

"I didn't kill anyone..." Spike said defensively, disappointment in his eyes. She thought he’d gone back to being a killer.

"I know!" Dawn wanted to wash the look in his eyes away. "I know you'd never hurt someone unless they were bad... I thought you know, maybe you’d punched someone or something. Not killed anyone!"

"How can you be sure, Nibblet?" Spike found her blind faith in him surreal.

"Because you love us too much. Love controls every little thing we do in this world Spike. Love is stronger than anything, and you're no monster." Dawn explained.

"I wish I could believe you," Spike leaned against the doorframe.

"You can. You've risked so much for us Spike. You woulda died for us. The night Buffy died is when I realized how strong love could be. She'd die for me, as you would...for me...or for her..." Dawn stared at him, daring him to contradict her.

"Right then," he stumbled nervously. "So after I woke, the girl I tried to..." he couldn't say it. "She came back and I well... I was a bit disoriented ‘n whatnot, sorta knocked her down. Funny thing was, it didn't hurt. My instinct told me to keep on with the plan and leave SunnyD. I went to LA... killed a few demons...punched a guy harassing his woman and that’s when I knew for sure the soddin’ chip had been short-circuited..."

"Well, I guess that’s a good thing for you, right? No more neutered vampire..." Dawn smiled.

"How is it, you trust me so, Nibblet?" Spike asked, even uncertain of himself.

"Cuz I love you..." Dawn shrugged. It was that easy, as far as she was concerned.

Spike groaned to mask his intense pleasure at her comment. "I've turned into a soddin’ poof I ‘ave..."

"You have not!" Dawn shook her head. "You're still all bad... look at the hair… well not that you can… But you got the leather, and the hair and the attitude...the accent... and the nail polish. Well, not so much the nail polish. But you're bad… you're one big bad ass!"

Spike raised his scarred brow. "Easy there on the language." He stopped when he realized what he’d said and groaned internally. "See!" He rested his head on the doorframe. "I'm a bleeding Nancy boy..."

"You are not! You kicked major...butt... tonight!" Dawn chose her words carefully this time, though her eyes gleamed playfully at her protector.

He grinned in response, despite himself. "I did, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did!" Dawn giggled. "So… why did you come back?"

"Someone told me I was needed here..." Spike was honest. He'd leave out the karaoke bit; she'd never stop rubbing it in his face if he told her. " Plus…well...I couldn't stay away any longer. Bloody missed you two, pet. So, I'm risking my undead life in hopes of helping big sis, and her not staking me."

"I won't tell her!" Dawn promised. "I swear Spike."

"Thanks Bit... but if I don't, she'll never trust me again, if she ever did find out," Spike sighed. "She may just stake me...I don't know... but I gotta tell ‘er."

"Well… maybe if you tell her, and be honest, she'll believe nothing’s changed," Dawn offered. "I know you're not gonna turn all bad..."

"I wish I did," he mumbled under his breath.

"Spike... You'd never hurt us. That chip didn't make you who you are. It may have guided you, but you decided who you are. A wonderful man I trust and love." Dawn smiled reassuringly.

"Who just happens to be a vampire," Spike added.

She shrugged. "Who happens to be a vampire."

"Will you be all right?" Spike asked, changing the subject.

"I'm fine. Going to look for Buffy?" she asked.

"Yup, if I come back fitting in a lil urn, don't let her flush me down the toilet eh, Bite Size?" he reached up and rubbed her face with the back of his palm gently.

She giggled. "No problem." she leaned up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Be careful. Don’t get staked."

He grumbled about mushy stuff and rubbed his cheek where she’d come in contact with him, turning to leave. After a minute, he looked back. "If she comes back here, don't tell her ‘bout the chip, kay, Platelet? I want her to hear it from me..."

"Promise," Dawn flashed what she hoped was a passable imitation of the girl scout’s honor sign as she watched him jog down the steps and down the block.

She shut the door, and for the first time in days, she smiled.

~*~*~*~

Buffy's heart sank when she reached the dentist's office and the lights were off and the door locked. She wasn't at school, she'd called all of her sister’s friends from a nearby pay phone and she wasn’t there... and she wasn't at the dentist. Fear racked her entire body. "Dawnie...where are you?!"

"I don't know where she is, but I know where you'll be soon..." a deep voice hissed from behind.

Buffy whipped around facing a vampire. She groaned. "I soooo don’t have time to play with you."

He chuckled, and sidled up to her. "It’ll only take a minute, promise." He bared his fangs, expecting her to scream and try to run.

She sighed dramatically. "You're right." She brought her knee up and hit his groin. He groaned, tumbling to the floor.

She took out a stake and rammed it into him.

He cried, and then exploded into a pile of ash. "Actually, more like seconds..." she mumbled, standing up and dusting herself off before continuing her search. She thundered down the street and checked every shadow, every whisper... It’d be best to follow this route home, because if Dawn did go to the dentist, and went home after... She wondered if she'd go to the Bronze. But home was closer, so she'd check there first.

Part XVI
Showdown

Spike wandered the graveyard near his crypt, listening for Buffy, but knowing she probably wasn’t here. Why would she be? She was probably worried to death about Platelet. He wondered if he should check the Magic Box. She and the Scoobs might have been putting in a late night study and they’d lost track of time. He remembered falling asleep during a research session after Buffy had died… he’d woken up with screaming with his hair on fire at sunrise because the blinds weren’t drawn all the way. He’d woken everyone up and Red and Tara had tried to put him out, while Xander just laughed. It had sort of been a bonding moment, he supposed. He hadn’t made a snarky comment at Xander for laughing, and the whelp had actually asked him if he was okay afterwards. It was funny how grief had sort of pulled them all together.

Realizing he was just wandering aimlessly with his thoughts, he stopped. Buffy wasn’t here. He knew it, could sense it. It was something he’d always been able to do, when it came to her. Sighing, he spun around and decided to try his luck at the shop after all. He pulled out his cigarettes and lit one, figuring he could have himself a smoke before getting there. Giles had disallowed smoking in the shop after Spike had inadvertently gotten close to flammable magic powders and turned everyone’s skin green for a couple of days. It hadn’t been pretty. He smiled a little to himself, remembering the whelp’s utter indignance at being called “Lizard boy.”

“What’re you smiling to yourself about, Spike?”

The vampire looked up sharply at the sound of that familiar, holier-than-thou voice, and sighed. “What do you want, Cardboard?”

Riley growled. He was tired of being called various degrees of Captain something or other. “What’ve you done with Dawn?” Riley questioned, stepping up to face the impotent vampire.

“What have I done with Dawn? What the bloody hell are you talking about, White Bread?” the vampire tossed his half used cigarette to the floor and squashed it with the tip of his boot.

“She went missing. I’m looking for her.”

“Playin’ GI Joe heroes again, are we, Cap’n?”

“Shut the hell up Spike, and answer my question, or I’ll…”

“You’ll what?”

“I’ll kill you.”

“You get to try,” Spike replied, a smirk on his face. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to v