Chapter 16: Some of Us Are Looking at the Stars

Veronica is not sure how long they sit there, but it’s long enough for her to realize she is sitting on a moonlit beach with Logan Echolls, holding hands. It takes all her willpower to not start laughing in a kind of manic, desperate way at this realization.

Here I thought the bar was set last night for Weirdest Possible Night Starring Logan Echolls. We have now leaped over that bar. Or possibly limbo-ed under it. And the night’s not over.

The quickest of peeks at Logan from the corner of her eye leads Veronica to think the night may be far from over. He is teetering, once again, and for the umpteenth time since last night.

Her thumb rubs lightly on the back of his hand, and that smallest movement drags his eyes from their study of the horizon. Logan looks down at their hands and Veronica is sure he too is realizing the strangeness of the situation.

And yet, neither of them lets go.

His reaction is the smallest quirk of his lips as he studies her. Veronica tries to look away, but fails. Logan looks around him, at the beach, the water and back to her.

“This is the place, isn’t it?”

Veronica’s brows draw together. “I think your train of thought left the station without me, Logan.”

If she didn’t think it impossible, Veronica would swear his look on her is nearly playful. That he can swing between extremes like this should no longer be a surprise after the last twenty four hours.

“This is the site of your naked indiscretion.” His tongue catches the corner of his mouth. His words are more of a statement than a question.

“My what? My what?” Veronica lets go of Logan’s hand and smacks him on the arm. She feels herself heating up at his words and the penetrating look in his eyes. For a moment, she regrets letting go of him because now it is far too awkward to take his hand again.

Logan gestures at the sand in front of them. “I was merely suggesting that this lovely stretch of beach was the launching pad for your recent bout of skinny dipping.”

Veronica gapes at him, but the truth is written all over her face and if he had any doubt, it is erased instantly. He laughs, the sound welcome to both of them.

Taking a cue from his behavior, Veronica blurts, “Logan Echolls, are you thinking about me naked?” Veronica closes her eyes immediately, wondering just how many times tonight her mouth is going to speak without checking in first. When she opens them, Logan is staring at her.

If he wasn’t, he certainly is now.

Veronica is instantly glad she has Logan’s jacket covering her nearly bare torso. It provides some barrier to the intensity of his eyes. Not much, but some.

“In that outfit, it’s not much of a stretch, Veronica.” He grins at her, lifting his head as if he is peeking inside his jacket. She tugs it around her more tightly, scowling at him, but there is no menace in it.

“Stop.” She slips, and her scowl twists into a small smile.

“Stop what?” Logan plays innocent, the sharp edges rubbed off by the flow of alcohol.

“Looking at me.”

Logan obediently looks back out at the water, grinning broadly.

Veronica shoves him in the arm, tipping him slightly sideways.

“What? I did what you asked.”

“And while that was shocking in and of itself, the fact is you’re still thinking about...me.” Veronica realizes she is very close to blushing. And even more surprising, she is actually enjoying herself.

“You can’t make me stop thinking, Veronica.” The admittance that he is doing exactly what she is accusing him of does not deter Logan in the slightest.

“See, I thought you had handled that one all by yourself. That is, if your grades are any indication.” Veronica smiles at Logan, falling into the rhythm easily. It’s familiar ground for the two of them. The lack of bite in the comments is what feels new.

“How would you...never mind. I know, I know. You know people.” Logan nods, lips pursed, amusement in his eyes.

And I’m starting to think I know you. Veronica looks him over right as Logan catches her eye. And vice versa.

“That I do.” She looks away, still faintly smiling.

A more comfortable silence falls over them, less loaded with sorrow and anxiousness than before. Logan lies back on the sand, hands clasped behind his head. His eyes scan the sky, as he did the water. Veronica looks at him and hesitates briefly before mimicking his position. She feels the sand in her fingers, a little on her neck.

I am going to have sand in so many places sand does not belong.

She shakes her head imperceptibly and tries to get comfortable. At least in this position, she can stop herself from focusing on the way Logan’s shirt - the very shirt she picked out for him - is straining at the buttons in this new position. Veronica adjusts her position slightly, feeling the cool sand beneath her bare legs.

There is a hitch in his voice when Logan breaks the quiet. “I usually can’t get you to stop talking, Veronica.” She knows what he wants. Distraction.

Veronica smiles. “Ha ha, Logan.” She thinks of something to distract him from thoughts of his mother.

“What’s your sign, Logan?”

He lifts his head at that, looks over at Veronica, eyebrows lifted near his hairline. “Veronica Mars, are you hitting on me?”

She rolls her eyes, but doesn’t look at him. “Just tell me.”

Logan settles back down. He waits just long enough to nearly exasperate Veronica before answering. When she opens her mouth to ask again, he cuts her off “Aquarius.”

Veronica frowns, eyes searching the sky. “Damn. I don’t know that one.”

“Sure you do. It’s got something to do with water, if I’m not mistaken. And hippies. The Age of and all.”

She gestures at the sky, ignoring Logan’s comments. “I mean, I don’t know that constellation.”

“Oh.” Logan looks at the sky anew, seeking out individual stars instead of staring blankly as he had been. Veronica is surprised when he asks with apparent genuine curiosity, “Which ones do you know?”

Veronica scoots closer to Logan, their bodies nearly brushing together. With her head near his, she points up and slightly left. Logan’s eyes follow her arm into the sky. “There. See those three stars in a line?”

“No.” Logan turns his face slightly toward Veronica, the scent of her distracting him.

She glances to the side and sees that he is not looking up. “Logan. You can’t see the stars unless you look at the sky.”

He doesn’t release her eyes for a few tight seconds. Finally, he angles his head to look straight up her arm again. He lifts his arm next to hers and briefly counts off three stars with his finger. “Those three?”

Veronica smiles and nods, drops her arm, leaving it draped across her stomach. “That is the belt of Orion, which just happens to be my favorite constellation. Below it is his sword and then his legs go...”

“You have a favorite constellation?” Logan’s voice is incredulous as he interrupts.

“Don’t mock. Some people do.” Veronica falls quiet for a minute.

The plan was to distract him, Veronica. Not reveal your own childhood secrets.

“Why do you have a favorite, Veronica?” She can’t read anything from his tone of voice. He almost sounds simply interested, but Veronica has a hard time believing it.

Oh yeah. This is one of your better plans. Like clockwork.

“It’s a long story.”

“You have somewhere to be?”

Veronica smiles wryly, realizing she really doesn’t. “Fine. So, when I was younger, my Dad and I used to do this. Lie on the grass in the backyard, look at the stars.” Veronica pauses, mulling over her next words. She plunges forward, reckless becoming her new thing. “I didn’t know until much later that it was his way of distracting me.”

Veronica feels her throat tighten and wishes she had never started this story. The attention swinging her direction was never the idea.

“From?” Something in Logan’s voice, in just that one word, compels Veronica to continue. She can’t help but think he might be the one person she knows who might understand the reasoning.

Still, her voice is quiet, soft. “From the fact that my Mom wasn’t home and it was past my bedtime and...yeah.” Veronica stops, hoping that the alcohol Logan has been drinking won’t prevent him from connecting the dots to the reasons for her mother’s absences. It might even help.

Logan takes a deep breath. “My Mom used to take me to the movies. Never one of his, of course.” Logan’s voice is laced with bitterness. “She liked the old ones. Black and white, lots of musicals. You name it. I think she thought the singing and dancing would make me forget.”

Veronica bites her tongue because she knows what he was trying to forget. Scar tissue and broken bones. “Did it work?”

Logan keeps his eyes on the sky. “Sometimes.”

“Yeah.”

The cool breeze off the ocean sends goosebumps across Veronica’s legs and in the distance she hears what might be a foghorn. She realizes she and Logan are still aligned with each other, legs a fraction apart, shoulders bumping. Veronica feels every point of contact with a flare of heat. Where her hipbone hits a bit high, near his waist. Her elbow against the firm muscle of his upper arm. The proximity puts Veronica’s senses on alert. And keeping her eyes heavenward prevents any accidental contact above the neck. Until she has a better grasp on what is going on, Veronica thinks that might be best.

“And what makes him your favorite?” Logan lightly picks up the thread of the conversation where they left it, steering them back out of rocky waters. For the briefest of seconds, Veronica swears she feels Logan’s fingers brush against hers again.

The relief at being able to return to safer territory is palpable. “Two things, really. One, I could find him without any help. Two, I liked the story behind it.”

“Which is?”

“You really want to know?” Veronica is incredulous at Logan’s sudden calm interest in what she is saying. His attention is intently focused on the sky and seemingly, her voice.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know... let me see. Because it’s hard to believe we’ve become story-sharing buddies all of a sudden, maybe? Logan, learned behavior doesn’t go away overnight.”

“Look, if you don’t want to tell the story, just forg - and wait, what do you mean, learned behavior?” Logan’s tone starts to match hers. Tight and a little defensive. The edge that had faded sharpens once again.

Veronica exhales noisily, wondering if there is a single topic of conversation for the two of them which contains no landmines.

Either a discussion of the year of Mars vs. Echolls or the disasters of our childhoods or maybe we can talk about the loss of his mother. Sometimes, you just can’t win. The kissing was substantially less complicated than this talking business.

Veronica makes her choice. “I learned not to ask you for anything, reveal anything about how I feel or generally talk to you if it could be helped this year, Logan.” Veronica tries and fails to keep a bitter note out of her voice. It’s still raw and it still hurts and being here on the site of a happy time they shared makes her feel both those things even more. “It would not have ended well. You know it. I know it. Telling you a story from my childhood would only have been fuel for you. What’s so different now?”

Logan lifts his arms, runs his hands through his hair. His answer is muttered, but she can hear him say, “Yeah.” He rubs his eyes. “I don’t know what to say, Veronica.”

How about: I’m sorry I’ve used you for target practice since Lilly’s death? I’m sorry I let our friendship fall apart? I could certainly offer him more suggestions.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s so quiet and Veronica’s inner thoughts were so loud, she’s not sure she heard him correctly.

“Excuse me?”

He doesn’t answer, the heels of his palms still covering his eyes.

“Logan...what are we doing?”

Logan sits up a little, dropping his hands and resting on his elbows. “Arguing, maybe? It should seem familiar.”

Veronica sits up, too. “But...beyond that. Why are we...what are we doing?”

When Logan doesn’t answer immediately, instead sitting up and wrapping his arms around his knees and putting his chin there, Veronica thinks of the night he showed up at her apartment door. Even then, she knew the seas were shifting. His arms wrapped around himself, trying to keep out the pain or hold it in, she never could decide. Just like now. In that moment when she invited him in, she knew she was doing more than inviting him into her apartment. She was letting him back into her life, come hell or high water. Or smart ass remarks. And she got all of that and more.

His voice is thin, and she almost misses his next words. Logan looks at her over his shoulder. “Could we just pretend it all didn’t happen? Just forget that you hate me and that I blamed you and that we said all those things... could we do that for awhile longer?”

His plea is so uncharacteristic, so heartfelt, she can only think he really means it. The need present is like a wave over her. And the reality he wants to keep at bay is the same one that includes his mother’s death and for that reason and maybe more, Veronica gives in. She breaks, gives him permission to continue suspending reality. For now.

She nods, just once. Just barely. He looks back to the water.

Lying back on the sand, she starts talking. “So, Orion was this big bad ass hunter, right? He thought he could hunt and kill any animal and he bragged all about it. Turns out Artemis, who was the goddess of the hunt, didn’t much care for the mouth on him.”

Logan’s back relaxes slightly, the tension releasing in increments. He glances back at Veronica, who pretends she doesn’t notice. Arms crossed lightly on her stomach, she continues her tale.

“They were lovers, but his bragging pushed her to the point that she conspired with a scorpion to prove him wrong. So, this Orion, who thought he was the end all be all, was taken down by the sting of a teeny tiny scorpion.”

“Ouch. Well, dangerous things come in small packages.” He smirks at her slightly as his arms loosen from around his legs.

“That’s good things, Logan. But Artemis felt so guilty and grief-stricken about it, she had Jupiter place Orion into the stars.” Veronica points up towards the constellation again. She then swings her arm to the other side of the sky. “And Scorpio was placed so that every time he rose in the east, Orion could escape to the west. If you could see Scorpio, it would be over there.”

“So, they never share the sky?”

“They do, but only for short periods of time. Orion is always moving, trying to survive. Trying to escape.”

Logan leans back on his elbows, face angled to look into Veronica’s. His face is unreadable. “Some story.”

“I always thought so.” Veronica blinks a few times, remembering how many times she’s told that story in her mind. She tries to keep the truth from her face, wanting to be thought of as that tiny warrior.

The truth is some days she’s the scorpion and some days she’s just trying to survive.

Logan glances over at her small form, a little smirk playing on his mouth. “It would sure suck to be Orion. Unless by ‘taken down’ you meant something a lot more sex-”

“I didn’t.”

“Oh. Too bad.”

They pause again, Logan contemplating her words and Veronica in turn. “Your birthday’s in August, right? What’s that make you?”

Veronica hesitates. “Virgo.”

“Where’s that one?” Logan lies all the way back down and scans the stars once again.

Veronica stares at him for the space of five seconds, wondering how he went from making her crazy to flirting with her to surprising her by knowing her birthday in five minutes.

She squints her eyes, orients herself before pointing to the east. “There. See the bright star off by itself? That’s in Virgo.”

Logan follows her arm, leaning closer. His warm breath grazes her cheek. “Yeah. I see it.”

You know how you dream you’re falling and you wake up with a start, heart pounding and palms sweating? That’s how I feel right now. I just don’t know if I’m done falling yet.



On to Chapter 17: Best Laid Plans