TITLE: Demons & Love
AUTHOR: Ragna (writinggoddess@aol.com)
RATING: FRT
CLASSIFICATION: Xander POV
SUMMARY: Xander starts to wonder why he's attracted to so many demons...Anya especially.
SPOILERS: Takes place right before the Xander/Anya wedding, when Xander has actual doubts not influenced by anyone else.
DISTRIBUTION: Any sites with my fic up; you all have unspoken permission. I write it, you can post it. Everyone else just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, I don't own it. Joss Whedon, Kazui Sandollar, The WB, UPN, et. al. most likely do.
FEEDBACK: Please send it offlist and let me know it's feedback; I do rapid delete on my account due to a lot of spam.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For Xander Appreciation Day, May 1st 2004. Also for Calia at Allforfanfic, who wanted the Willow line about Xander being born in the library and a story out of it. I wrote a piece from the same challenge a few months ago.

***

Not many people know this, but I was born in the Sunnydale library. My parents never made it to the hospital, and it was raining, so they just broke into the school and I was born right over the Hellmouth opening.

You'd think I'd have been some vessel for mystical energy, but you'd be wrong. I just developed a knack for dating demons, apparently.

Not that every woman I've been interested in was a demon, though Willow does practice magic, and from what I've heard Cordelia has visions of some sort now that lets her see future events. But when I was with them, they were normal and 100% human.

But then there was the mummy girl. And who could forget the praying mantis teacher? That was a close call. I mean, Miss French...okay, don't want to go there.

And then there's Anya. I mean, in a lot of ways, we're really, really different from each other. I know she's a former demon, and she's trying to be human, and that there's going to be mix-ups from time to time and it's something I'll have to get used to.

I do love her, though. I don't doubt that. I do love her, more than I've loved anyone else. But can I marry her? Can I go out there, today, and watch her walk down the aisle and say "I do" and...

Can I go through with this? Make a relationship with another demon permanent?

Maybe this is what they mean by cold feet. That sinking feeling in your stomach that makes you want to run but holds you in your place like a lead weight. Maybe it's telling me staying here and marrying her is the right thing to do.

Yeah...maybe I should stop worrying so much.

Maybe.

I guess I'm wondering if I can imagine life without her. Can I? As much as everyone thinks, we're not only about sex. I talk to her and she listens. I can be...me. And I like it.

I guess that's why I'm a demon love magnet. Because eventually I'd attract the right demon for me, and that'd be Anya.