TITLE: So Tired
AUTHOR: Ragna (writinggoddess@aol.com)
RATING: FRT; deals with charachter deaths.
CLASSIFICATION: Oz POV
SPOILERS: Set in the future, so season 4 spoilers, but sort of vaguely.
DISTRIBUTION: Any sites with my fic up; you all have unspoken permission. I write it, you can post it. Everyone else just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kazui Sandollar, FOX and the WB own it or them. I'm just holding Spike and Riley hostage. Carolyn's got Xander, May's got Oz, Cathryn's got Ethan, Melissa has Giles, Shelly has Angel, and Gillian has Doyle. You may see them by appointment only.
FEEDBACK: Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back...in other words, I want it. Don't care if it's onlist or not.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Anji told me who to keep alive, so this series will be over in three more stories. That's it! Three!

***

If I don't keep moving, I'll go insane.

Have to find things to do, places to go. I can't sleep; when I sleep, I dream about what could have been. What should have been.

It's hard going to school. Buffy and I manage, awkwardly, to deal with our grief. Not allow the stares and hushed whispers to get to us. At least she has Riley.

I'm all alone.

Devon's not the greatest to ask for support or help. He's too damn selfish for that. So I've been depending on Giles. It's a strange friendship, but it works.

My van broke down, so he's giving me a ride to The Bronze to meet up with Buffy. We're supposed to meet there when she's back from patrol with Riley.

We pass the formal wear shop where Cordelia worked. It was only a month or so ago when she died. Her funeral was spectacular; Angel did that much for her. I know she's in Los Angeles, next to a headstone for Doyle.

Giles is oddly quiet tonight. Normally we have things to talk about, but tonight there's nothing left to say. All he said to me was ‘No problem’ and asked if we could stop by the bakery first. And then he asked me to drive his car.

I'm so tired lately. I really can't sleep, and it shows. I can hardly keep my eyes open most of the day. I pull over to the road, resting my head on the steering wheel. Giles barely notices. I rest my eyes for a moment before opening them again and pulling out into the road again.

I never even heard or saw the truck. The impact was swift; he hit Giles side first. And then another car slammed into my side. I was pinned against the wheel, the door, Giles...he's dead, I'm pretty sure.

At least he died quickly, painlessly. I'm suffering. It hurts so bad...all I can see is blood. I can't feel my legs, my back. I can't feel anything below my neck except a tremendous pain.

And I can slowly feel myself dying. It's the slowness that's scaring me...why couldn't I just die instantly? Why do I have to suffer?

Why did this have to happen?