TITLE: With You Again
AUTHOR: Ragna (writinggoddess@aol.com)
RATING: FRT; deals with nasty subjects.
CLASSIFICATION: Willow POV
SPOILERS: Set in the future, so season 4 spoilers, but sort of vaguely.
DISTRIBUTION: Any sites with my fic up; you all have unspoken permission. I write it, you can post it. Everyone else just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kazui Sandollar, FOX and the WB own it or them. I'm just holding Spike and Riley hostage. Carolyn's got Xander, May's got Oz, Cathryn's got Ethan, Melissa has Giles, Shelly has Angel, and Gillian has Doyle. You may see them by appointment only.
FEEDBACK: Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back...in other words, I want it. Don't care if it's onlist or not.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I don't know what possessed me to write this, really. I was just in the mood for something depressing and, well...read it, I guess.

***

He's gone. I mean, he's really gone. Dead type of gone.

The letter is in my hands, but I can barely read it. I mean, he was the first person I ever really loved...

I flip it over in my hands, knowing what's inside. A letter from Angel, telling me what I already knew in my heart.

Buffy knew, and Cordelia knew, and even Oz knew. I don't talk to him much anymore...but he knew.

He was there.

My hands shaking, I open the letter, tears almost hitting the page.

"I know you don't want to hear this awful news. But we tried our hardest to save him. I'm sorry...he's dead."

The letter had come to London only recently. They had gotten worried when I didn't return their calls, when I didn't do anything. Because I knew.

Buffy was the only who had the prophetic dreams until Doyle died, and Cordelia got the flashes. But I had the dreams too...only about him.

And now that he's gone, there's no reason for me left to live.

I swallow the last of the pills with the last of the Everclear, knowing what will happen. I'll get sleepy, I'll pass out...

I'll die.

And then I can be with him.

It's happening faster then I thought, and I'm too tired to care anymore. I fight the urge to shut my eyes long enough to sign my will. My friends in Sunnydale...they'll get everything. And Spike will get my things in London. I know he misses his home.

It was weird, he was my closest friend before I left. He'll be so hurt...

Maybe this was a mistake. maybe it won't be too late...

But I'm doing this for him, for Xander.

And maybe everything will be okay...

And my world is slowly going dark. Soon, Xander, I'll be with you again.