TITLE: Nobody Knows
AUTHOR: Ragna (writinggoddess@aol.com)
RATING: FRT
CLASSIFICATION: Angel/Cordelia. Re-writing of "Lovers Walk": the double breakups were amicable, and Xander and Willow stayed together.
SPOILERS: None.
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kazui Sandollar, FOX and the WB own it or them. I'm just holding Spike, Xander and Oz hostage. You may see them by appointment only. The song is "Nobody Knows It But Me" and is performed by Babyface.
FEEDBACK: Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back...in other words, I want it. Don't care if it's onlist or not.

***

Cordelia looked bored. Her date was ignoring her, and she just sat and watched Xander and Willow, no matter how much it broke her heart.

Her date just walked off to go talk to someone else, and Cordelia was dejected.

"Mind if I sit down?" someone asked, and she looked up, a small smile on her face.

"Sure, Angel. Go ahead." The song ended and a new one began.

I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls closin' more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me

"Now why would they play this song? It's depressing," Cordelia said.

Angel nodded. "And unfortunately, it's been played an awful lot."

"I played it when Xander and I broke up," she said quietly.

Angel looked at her. "Really? I did the same thing when Buffy and I agreed not to see each other. Weird coincidence, huh?"

Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Cordelia smiled a little more. "I thought I was the only one. That really is weird."

Angel smiled back at her, his first genuine smile in almost a year. "Maybe we have more things in common than we think."

Why didn't I say
The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly
But you're nowhere around

"I swear, I'm starting to hate this song," she said.

"Well, there have been worse depressing songs. I've been around long enough to hear most of them."

"True. Very true. So what's the worst?"

Angel thought about it for a bit. "I Don't Ever Wanna See You Again, by Uncle Sam."

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

"And you actually listen to R&B? I'm impressed," Cordelia said.

"This is R&B, Cordelia."

"No duh."

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me

Angel looked at where Buffy had been, a few tables over. "You're right, this is depressing."

Cordelia laughed a little. "Wow. And you agree with me. The miracles never cease."

"You don't have to remark cattily to everything anyone says, you know."

I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought
You'd hear me
Yeah my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me

"That was low."

"No, it was the truth." Angel looked at her. "You changed a lot when you were dating Xander. Why change again?"

Cordelia sighed. "That's why," she said, vaguely gesturing to Xander and Willow, dancing together as closely as possible.

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I'll be lovin' you still

"Hey, how do you think I felt watching Buffy with...Spike?" Angel asked.

"Same way, I suppose." Cordelia finished her soda. "I mean, even Oz looks as though he's over Willow. Why can't we be the same way?"

"Probably because they were very, very close to us."

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

Cordelia nodded. "Depressing songs make me think too much. But you're right, I suppose. Not that I want to believe you."

"Why?"

"Because if you're right, then I need to pick up my life and move on."

Tomorrow mornin' I'm hitting the dusty road
Gonna find you wherever, ever you might go
I'm gonna unload my heart and hope you come back to me
Said when the nights are lonely...

"And that's a scary thing, right? I have to do the same thing," Angel said.

She nodded. "Want help?"

"Why not?" Angel said, looking at Cordelia. "Everyone needs it, I guess. I'll help you if you help me, all right?"

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

"Deal." She stood up and dropped some bills on the table. "I'm going to head home. Want to walk with me?" Cordelia asked.

Angel shrugged. "Why not? I'll make sure you get there."

"Good. I may not have had the best date in my life, but I might have a new friend. I suppose that's better."

"Friends are good," Angel said, smiling slightly.