TITLE: What That Would Show You
AUTHOR: Ragna (Obsessive-Compulsive Spike)
RATING: FRT
CLASSIFICATION: Cordelia/Doyle musings
SPOILERS: All of "Angel"
DISTRIBUTION: Slay This, other sites with my fic up. Everyone else just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kazui Sandollar, FOX and the WB own it or them. I'm just holding Spike hostage. Carolyn's got Xander, May's got Oz, Cathryn's got Ethan, Shelly has Angel, and Gillian has Doyle. You may see them by appointment only. Each title contains a lyric from Four Star Mary's "Run."
FEEDBACK: Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back...in other words, I want it. Don't care if it's onlist or not.

***

Cordelia slammed the door behind her, furious at Wesley. How dare he! He had no right to say those...those...things to her!

She grabbed the first thing of food she could find in the freezer, a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, and sat down on the couch, setting her purse on the coffee table next to it.

The letter fell out, but she scarcely noticed it, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV to something loud.

There was one page left to the letter, and after cable got boring she put in the closest video and pressed play.

Only to see Doyle staring right back at her.

She listened to the tape as she read the last part of the letter, avoiding looking at the image in front of her and just listening to his beautiful voice.

***

"Do you believe in love at first sight?

I didn't, honestly, till I saw you at Angel's office that first day you were there. You looked, no pun intended, like an angel. A dark-haired angel. And I fell in love with you at that very moment.

It's stupid, I know, but I believe in it.

Cordelia...I love you.

Love, Doyle."

She re-read those few lines over and over again as she listened to his voice again, setting down the letter and finally forcing herself to look at the screen.

She looked up just in time to see him smile.

***

The next day, Cordelia called Harry back. After a few moments of tense conversation, they finally opened up about the reason she had called in the first place.

"I miss him," Cordelia said.

"I miss him too."

"But you got to know him more than I did, Harriet. I mean, you two got married..."

"It wasn't all that great," Harry said, a note of sadness creeping into her voice.

"But you still had the chance. I didn't even get that."

"And you feel cheated."

"Yeah."

"Cordy...it's all right. You were cheated. The man I fell in love with was wonderful, and I'm sure he could have been that way again."

Cordelia nodded, suppressing a yawn. "He might have been."

"Not getting much sleep?"

"No, not really. Nightmares..."

"About what?"

"When...he...his..."

"Say no more. I know what you're talking about. Cordy, I have to go, much as I hate to, but feel free to call anytime, all right?"

"All right." She hung up, looking at the phone. Sighing, she turned the VCR back on, popped in the video of Doyle, and sat back to watch, clutching his jacket close to her.

And not crying.