TITLE: If I Had Turned Away
AUTHOR: Ragna (writinggoddess@aol.com)
RATING: FRT
CLASSIFICATION: Cordelia/Doyle musings
SPOILERS: All of "Angel"
DISTRIBUTION: Slay This, other sites with my fic up. Everyone else just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kazui Sandollar, FOX and the WB own it or them. I'm just holding Spike hostage. Carolyn's got Xander, May's got Oz, Cathryn's got Ethan, Shelly has Angel, and Gillian has Doyle. You may see them by appointment only. Each title contains a lyric from Four Star Mary's "Run."
FEEDBACK: Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back...in other words, I want it. Don't care if it's onlist or not.

***

Cordy opened the letter again, reading it slowly as everyone was out of the office. She was totally alone, and felt no need to rush, just a burning curiosity to find out what else Doyle had to say.

"I wish I'd had more time with you.

Sometimes I think about what it might have been like if we'd never met. I'd probably be gambling still, up to my ears in debt and scared out of my mind. I'd probably still be alive, too, but it might have been just for a short time.

I think if I'd turned away, I probably would not have had much happiness left in my life. I wouldn't have had anything to live for. And that's the worst kind of life to live, in my opinion.

I know I might seem to be waxing poetic here, but this is all the truth, at least how I see it. You knew so little about me, and I wanted to share.

I just wish I could have learned more about you."

***

"Harry called, Cordy. She wanted to talk to you," Wesley said, handing Cordelia a slip of paper.

"Thanks," she said, not taking the paper, concentrating on the new demon research needed for their current case.

"Cordelia," Wesley said impatiently, dropping the note on her desk. "Cordelia...Cordelia!"

"What?!?" she snapped, looking up at him.

"I'm absolutely tired of this. You pay no attention to what I'm doing to help, you spend all your time mourning over this dead demon--"

"His name was Doyle, and he was only half demon," Cordelia said coldly.

"Whatever. The point is--"

"No. The point is I don't want you here. We don't need your help."

"At this point, I don't care. I'm needed here, maybe not by you, but I'm still needed here. You, on the other hand, aren't."

"Who's to say she's not needed?" Angel said, walking out of his office.

"It doesn't matter," Cordelia said, putting the open letter in her purse. "I'm going home."

"Cordy, wait..." Angel began, only to have the door shut on his words.