TITLE: And See Another Day
AUTHOR: Ragna (writinggoddess@aol.com)
RATING: FRT
CLASSIFICATION: Cordelia/Doyle musings
SPOILERS: All of "Angel", and the last two or three Buffy episodes.
DISTRIBUTION: Slay This, other sites with my fic up. Everyone else just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kazui Sandollar, FOX and the WB own it or them. I'm just holding Spike hostage. Carolyn's got Xander, May's got Oz, Cathryn's got Ethan, Shelly has Angel, and Gillian has Doyle. You may see them by appointment only. Each title contains a lyric from Four Star Mary's "Run."
FEEDBACK: Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back...in other words, I want it. Don't care if it's onlist or not.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Dedicated to Mids, for staying up and chatting with me. And to Lisa, for worrying about me.

***

Cordelia was awakened by a phone call later that evening. One she'd half been expecting.

"We need to talk."

"Angel...leave me alone. I quit, remember?"

"I'm not trying to replace Doyle."

"Sure you're not." Cordelia started to hang up the phone.

"No, I'm not. Wesley was sent here."

Halfway to the reciever, Cordelia stopped, slowly pulling the phone back to her ear. "Why?"

"He's supposed to help."

"To help," Cordelia spat out. "How?"

"The Council thinks there might be a Slayer here who needs training. He needed a job. I gave him one."

She shook her head. "I really don't want to talk to you now."

"I understand. Will you at least come back to work? We need you here."

"I'll think about it,' she said quietly, hanging up. Reaching to shut off the light, her arm brushed the letter. Tentatively reaching down, she picked up the letter and began where she'd left off.

***

"I know I'm going to die.

In the vision, I saw more than usual. I saw my own death. Normally, I see what's going to happen if nothing's done. But this time, I saw what was really going to happen. It scared me to the core.

And it gave me the nerve to try to tell you the truth. As I'm writing this, I don't know if I have or not...if I haven't, then I'm sorry. If I have, I'm glad you know. I wanted to tell you sooner...

At the restaurant, when Harry's fiance tried to eat my brains, you almost knocked me out. I don't even think you realized it was me you were hitting. What am I saying? Of course you didn't know. But that was what really made me want to tell you the truth.

I tried this afternoon, when we were sitting on the stairs with our coffees, but the damn vision. I've always hated them, ever since they started, but as long as they happened I knew I had a purpose, a reason for living.

Until I met you, Princess.

You're so...different. But not in a bad way, not at all. You have spunk, you have a strong will to survive, you have a mixed up sense of priorities, but that just makes you more appealing.

And you just made me want to wake up every morning.

Please, never doubt you're special. I always thought you were."

***

Cordelia took some deep breaths before picking up the phone, dialing an almost long forgotten phone number with shaking hands. She hoped he would pick up...

"Hello?"

"Hi. Is Xander there?"

"No."

"Oh."

"I can take a message, though."

"Uh...it's okay."

A door opened in the background, and the person on the phone said, "Wait. He just came in." There was a shuffle, and Cordelia waited patiently.

"Anya?"

Cordelia stopped breathing, only for a second. "No..."

"Cordelia? what's going on?"

"Not much. I just had a question."

"What? Is there a demon loose in LA? Giles is better with this stuff..."

"No, nothing like that. It's stupid, really."

"What is it?"

"Do you think I'm special?" she asked quietly, gripping the letter.

There was a long pause. "Of course you are. Why'd you ask?"

"No real reason, I just needed to know. Thanks."

"No problem," Xander said before she hung up. Looking at the next letter, she debated reading it over sleeping, and decided going back to sleep was going to win out. Setting the letter on her nightstand, she turned off the light and fell asleep in her clothes and his jacket.