TITLE: Open Fire
AUTHOR: Ragna (writinggoddess@aol.com)
RATING: FRT
CLASSIFICATION: Spike/Other
SPOILERS: None except in the series.
DISTRIBUTION: Slay This, Other sites with my fic up. Everyone else just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kazui Sandollar, FOX and the WB own it or them. I'm just holding Spike hostage. Carolyn's got Xander, May's got Oz, Cathryn's got Ethan, Nikki's got Giles and Shelly has Angel. Gillian, for the hell of it, has Ewan McGregor, but she shares with Rae. You may see them by appointment only. The song is by Silverchair, and is called "Open Fire (Anna's Song)"
FEEDBACK: Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back...in other words, I want it. Don't care if it's onlist or not.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hee...thought I needed a break from depressing fic. Guess not...
***
It had been a horrible night, and here she was, sitting at the bar staring forlornly at the glass she had yet to take a drink from.
There was a million reasons she should take a drink, but two why she shouldn't.
One was she was a sober adult now, not some stupid and drunken teenager.
And two...she'd let everyone down if she did.
But what the fuck do they care, she thought to herself, staring at the glass of frothy liquid.
A song started that she recognized almost immediately, one that she'd cried to her first few months in Sunnydale, curled up on her bed, fraught with homesickness.
The tears she'd held in for so long started to spill, and she laid her head on her arms, trying to block out the song, block out the emotions, numb herself the way the alcohol had so long ago...
She shut her eyes, and suddenly realized it was a mistake. Images flooded back: the fight they'd had, the way he told her he didn't love her...
He'd never loved her. Not really...
And yet there were more. In a swirling mist, a man told her her destiny, one which she wanted to fight. She didn't want this calling...it was too much to handle...
There was the sick realization she wasn't the only one getting a calling, and the fear of who would die first. The pain of the fighting with the demons, and her first death washed over her. She had died...stopped breathing...
Stopped living...
She snapped her head up, her eyes wide open, though red and moist. She'd felt his presence, she knew him that well.
They'd been intimate...and it meant more with him. This one...
He told her he loved her, and she knew he meant it. It took him forever to tell her that. And it meant so much to her; she had been so sad at life, and he held her in his arms and told her that.
But now...he was one thing and she was another. It'd never work, and they both knew it. In fact, they'd fought about it. She didn't want to give up sun and her life that she'd built when he was just a friend; he didn't want to lose her.
And they couldn't work it out.
So she'd ran off, to the bar, and was sitting there staring at the alcohol in front of her. And he had followed.
And now she had her decision made.
The drink moved, not by her hand. She looked up, and stared into his cold eyes. They were always cold, just like him, and she was used to it.
He bit his lip, something he did when he wanted to say something but had decided to keep quiet. She knew all these little intricacies about him because...
Because...
Because she was totally in love with him, she realized sullenly.
"Alex," he said, almost pleadingly. "Please, don't drink..."
"I wasn't going to," she replied, looking up at him with her face blank, totally unreadable. Or at least she hoped.
He sighed needlessly, sitting down next to her, setting his head on his hands which he folded up on the bar. "Love, I really don't want to leave you, or for you to leave me. But every time we fight..."
She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, clear his words out of her head. "Spike...please..."
"Just listen to this, Alex. Please?" She stopped shaking her head and looked back at him, the blank expression replaced by a pained look. "Christ, you know I hate hurting you. But you hurt me too."
She started to speak, but he gave her a look, one she knew meant he wanted to say something. "We've been together too long for this to break us up. Please...come back home?"
She sighed. "If you promise to let me be who I was before you came back into my life, Spike. That's the only way."
He grinned slightly, looking at her. "I wouldn't want it any other way." He held out his hand and she took it, standing up. As they walked out of the bar, the barkeep looked at the drink.
"Hey...can I have a beer?"
He looked back down and saw a young man with dark hair. "Are you--"
"Yeah, I'm legal," he said, flashing his idea. "Hey...did that girl take a drink?"
"No, why?"
The young man looked at her untouched beer. "You know what? I don't think I want a beer after all." He got up and headed towards the door.
"Hey!" The barkeep glanced at the ID the young man had left on the table. "Alexander! You left your ID!"