TITLE: Because I Love Her
AUTHOR: Ragna (writinggoddess@aol.com)
RATING: FRC
CLASSIFICATION: Buffy/Spike
SPOILERS: Set in season 5.
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just keep my name on it and let me know.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kazui Sandollar, FOX and the WB own it or them. I'm just holding Spike hostage. Carolyn's got Xander, May's got Oz, Cathryn's got Ethan, Nikki's got Giles and Shelly has Angel. Gillian, for the hell of it, has Ewan McGregor, but she shares with Rae. You may see them by appointment only. Joydrop owns the song "Beautiful".
FEEDBACK: Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back...in other words, I want it. Don't care if it's onlist or not.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I absolutely love this song; it's the only reason I stay up and watch 120 Minutes lately. Joydrop's official site is located here; please visit it. This is a Spike POV fic.

***

It's interesting to watch the Slayer. My Slayer.

It's strange I can say that. Because she is mine. I have her heart, her body. And I think she'd offer up her soul to me if I only asked.

We're at the Bronze, and I'm just watching her on the floor right now. The band will be starting it's set soon, but right now they still have a DJ. He's been playing all sorts of music, from hip-hop to the rave music I listened to when I hunted prey in London.

The band starts it's song, and my Slayer comes back to me, slightly sheened with a glint in her eye. She sits on my lap, not caring what the others think of us.

Her scent is unique. A spicy scent uniquely of her, plus the sweet body spray she uses that smells of melon. I smell it as she bend down to kiss me, her soft lips on mine. Normally I'm the one to initiate anything we do, probably because she's still scared of getting hurt. But tonight she seems different. She seems bolder.

I kiss back, pulling her as close to me as possible. Finally she pulls away after what seems like a million lifetimes and pulls me onto the dance floor.

She pulls me close, her face inches from mine. She's been quiet almost all night, something so different for her. She's usually the talkative one as I nod at what she's saying.

But I listen. I think it's something the poof never really did. Sure he'd hear her, but he never listened. I never want to do that to her. She listens to me as well, late in the night as I accompany her on her demon fighting walks. I actually let her do her work and I don't try and stop her.

I never try and stop her.

We talk about all sorts of things. I never treat her as though she's a young girl with no opinions of her own. Even the college boys she had seen before we started dating treated her like that, and she's not anything like she seems.

She's a bloody compassionate brilliant woman, who should be treated like the goddess she is. And I do treat her like that.

She couldn't stand her dorm roommate. Her second one, actually. The first had been killed by a demon some four months into the current school year. So I offered to let her stay at my apartment.

I gave up my personal space so she could be happier. Not many others would do that for her without taking advantage of her.

We've slept together, not in that sense, though. I mean, we would fall asleep in the same bed, nothing more. As I said, I don't want to hurt her. She hasn't been with anyone since she was with him, her very first bloody time.

So I wait until she's ready, until she wants it, and I've fallen hopelessly in love with her by waiting. She knows it too; the first time we ever admitted we loved each other was the happiest day of her life.

She told all her friends that, and Red is very nice about telling me how my Slayer is feeling when she's too embarrassed to tell me herself.

She's so tiny, wrapped up in my arms as we sway through the song, even when it goes into the harder rock part of the song. She knows it's her destiny to die, but I don't think she realizes she's already died, then lived. That sort of circumvented that little prophecy.

So she buries herself in me wanting to feel safe. Can you imagine that? Feeling safe in the cold arms of a vampire? Talk about one of the great ironies.

And for her to be that way not once but twice...

She reaches up to touch my face and all my thoughts cease as her warm hand cups the side of my face, moving down to my chin and pulling my face towards hers. When my lips touch hers all I can think of is her. It's a soft, sweet and swift kiss, but one with a promise behind it.

She pulls back and smiles one of those heartbreaking smiles of hers. She wants to say something but can't. I won't push; it's not right. When she's ready, she'll let me know. That's just how she is.

She takes a deep breath and looks right into my eyes. I know she's studying them as she looks deep into them.

"I...I want to sleep with you. I just didn't know how to say it."

I nod, understanding totally. "I won't deny you, love. I'd never deny you."

She smiled. "Let's go home, then," she said, pulling me out through the crowd towards the door.

The song started to fade as we walked away, her tiny hand in mine. No vampires to slay tonight, no demons to fight.

Tonight, she would go to her home with me, and she would be all that existed in the world to me.

It's raining and she's covered by the rain that seems to concentrate solely on my little Slayer as we walk home. And she's the most beautiful I have ever seen her. I look at her, water dripping down slowly as she laughs, walking by, dancing sometimes.

I am reminded of why I'd never deny her anything. Never.

Because I love her.