Chapter 25

 “I said date!”

Willow – ‘Surprise’

****

“NO!”

“Anya…”

“Did I not say ‘no’ loud and emphatically enough the first time?” Anya asked her fiancée as she stood in front of him, hands placed firmly on her hips.

Xander stood his ground. “An, do you remember the enhanced strength and speed. This is what I’m here for.”

“You’ll get yourself killed. And then where will I be? Sitting all alone in an overpriced wedding dress I dyed black, for the next sixty years until I die, unloved and unwanted by anyone, with no feeling in my soul from the day my heart was torn out when…”

“I’ll do it.”

“Oh, thank God.” Anya immediately cheered, moving from near collapse to utter relief in one swift move.

“Angel,” Giles asked, ignoring Anya’s outburst, “are you sure?” 

“Have any of you ever jousted before?” The others shook their heads, no. “Then I think I’ve got the edge.”

“Where did the drunkard son of a middle class Irish merchant learn to joust?” Xander asked, deciding not to argue with both Anya and Angel. There was no way he would win.

“You pick things up.”

Giles tried to protest again, but stopped when he saw the look Angel was giving him. A brief understanding passed between the two men. It was either Angel or Xander. Which meant it was Angel. The Watcher nodded slightly and then moved away, drawing Anya with him when he saw that Xander wanted to talk to the vampire.

“I will do this you know. I’m not trying to prove anything. I just want to help.”

Angel smiled. “I know.” There was an awkward pause, before he added, “I know you don’t like me. Can’t say I like you that much either. But I know you’ll look after everyone if I can’t. You have to protect them if anything happens to me. You have to find Dawn.” He started forward towards Giles but stopped. “She’s important Xander. A friend of mine told me something would happen and that… well I don’t know what. For a psychic he pretty vague at times. But you’ll know when it happens. So you have to protect her.”

****

Willow rolled her eyes at her girlfriend as Spike paced back and forth in front of them. Tara tried her best to stifle a giggle but the look on Willow’s face was simply too much to take and the laughter burst forth.

Spike stopped his pacing and spun swiftly to face Tara. “What?”

Willow snorted at the indignant expression on his face, causing Tara erupt with laughter once again. The vampire’s expression clearly said he thought Tara had gone crazy and he raised his scarred eyebrow at the redhead.

“Could you be more tense?” she asked, not the slightest bit affected by his demeanour. “Relax or you’re not even going to make it onto the horse.”

“Hey, I’ll be fine,” Spike assured her as he resumed his pacing. “This thing’ll be over before we know it and then hopefully we’ll get inside the castle and find Dawn.”

“Spike,” Willow countered, inwardly wondering when she had stopped looking at him and seeing a vampire and started to worry about him as much as she did everyone else. “Not that we don’t all believe you’re going to win this thing but, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Who else is going to do it? You? Tara? Not bloody likely.”

Willow held up her hands innocently. “Hey I just want to be the voice of reason here, so that if something does happen to you, I can look Buffy straight in the eye and say, ‘I tried to stop him. Damn stubborn vampire’.”

Spike smiled ruefully at Willow. “Sorry Will. I know you want to do something to help.”

“I do,” she said rising from her seat and walking slowly towards him. “Can we talk? Over here?” Confused, Spike followed her over to the bed he’d shared with Buffy and sat down on the space she’d patted next to her.

“Do remember the last time we were on a bed together?”

Spike’s head jerked up to stare at her with wide eyes. “What? We never…”

“You failed to perform. I remember I was a little upset.”

“I, uh, Willow I don’t…” He saw her eyes were twinkling and a memory surged to the surface. “Oh. Right.”

The young witch chuckled. “We have a history of beds don’t we. The first time we were on one together, you threatened to shove a bottle in my face. The second time you tried to turn me into a vampire.”

Spike winced. “And I wonder why you hate me.”

“I don’t,” Willow told him earnestly. “I’ve never hated you. I was scared of you. And then a little sorry for you. And sometimes I’ve really, really wanted to stake you or burn you or something.”

“Thanks.”

“But I’ve never hated you. I mean you didn’t shove that bottle in my face did you?”

“No.”

“And you tried to make me feel better when I thought you wouldn’t turn me didn't you?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re really, really sorry about tying Buffy up in your crypt and then threatening to let Drusilla eat her aren’t you.”

“Of course I am!” Spike practically shouted and Willow could have sworn he’d be blushing if he were human.

“That’s alright then. The clean slate started when you didn’t tell Glory about Dawn. So I’m going to help you.”

“Help me what?”

“With Buffy,” Willow explained slowly. “Me and Tara, we’re playing matchmaker.”

Spike stared at her.

“Thank you Willow,” the redhead whispered and smiled when the vampire automatically repeated it. “I don’t know what Xander’s going to say,” she continued as she slid off the bed. “Maybe we should wait until after your first date to tell him.”

“Will,” Spike stopped her as she started back towards Tara and Wesley. “Do you really think I can do this?”

“I know you can.”

****

Faith gazed out over the crowds that had been gathering since the early hours of the morning. The arena at present was filled with stalls, vendors selling food and goods to the crowds as they mingled together before the main event, which would take place sometime that evening.

She had spent all afternoon in the Royal Box, which was centrally situated on the right hand side of the arena. For the first time since she had arrived at the castle she had been fed and was now considering her options. She could either wait for the joust and watch someone she knew die, find a way out and try to help the others escape, or she could try to find Dawn again. However without her Slayer strength or speed to help her she knew she wouldn’t get very far.

The door opened behind her, breaking her out of her reverie, and she turned her head to see Cordelia enter the box. Faith stood quickly and waited, wondering what the former cheerleader would say.

“Faith?” Cordelia looked surprised for a moment, before she shook her head in defeat. “I don’t know why I bother even trying to act surprised anymore. You get to a point where you accept everything no questions asked.” She sat down wearily. “Were you kidnapped?” The Slayer nodded. “Figures.”

The two young women sat in silence for a long moment as Cordelia looked out over the arena. As the seer opened her mouth to speak, the door opened once again to admit Buffy. “Cordelia? Faith?” The Slayer hugged Cordy warmly, before turning to Faith. “Kidnapped?”

“Yes.” Faith replied shortly, unsure of what to say. Her face remained impassive as she waited for Buffy to speak.

“Ok,” Buffy forced a smile, realising it was best for them all to try to get along while they remained trapped together. “Do you know anything about what’s going on, or why we’re here? Have you seen Dawn?”

Cordelia shook her head, but Faith’s eyes lit up slightly. “I saw her. Ethan brought her down from the tower to see me. She’s fine. No one’s hurt her.” Faith paused for a moment, debating whether to add the next part. “She told me about your mom. I’m so sorry Buffy.”

A slightly haunted expression crossed Buffy’s face at the mention of her mother, but she didn’t say anything. She knew Faith had meant what she said. “Didn’t Angel tell you? About my mom? I thought he was checking up on you?”

“The last time, he came to tell me about you. We didn’t really talk about anything else. Before that, I hadn’t seen him since around Christmas.”

Buffy was nodding absently, trying to remember what Faith had said about Dawn that had made her…

“Wait. Did you say Ethan had Dawn?”

 

Chapter 26

 “Now I’m having a wiggins.”

 Xander – ‘Innocence’

****

As the sun set, the crowd in the stadium settled into their seats and Buffy, Cordelia and Faith waited impatiently for the event to begin.

Dawn stared out of the tower window her gaze sweeping the illuminated arena for any sign of her sister and her friends.

Xander and Giles both wished Angel good luck as they were led out of their tent to the preparation area.

Willow and Tara both kissed Spike affectionately on the cheek as he mounted his horse, taking the shield and lance in his hands.

The stadium erupted with the sound of cheering as Dumain strode out the centre of the arena. “Your Royal Highnesses, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tolemac Joust!” He waited while the crowd roared once again. “Tonight we have a very special match. The White Knight, Lord William, versus the Red Knight, Lord Angel.”

The noise in the stadium was deafening.

Buffy couldn’t hear anything. Spike and Angel. Spike and Angel. One of them was going to die. Her mind shut down. She didn’t hear Cordelia’s gasp of fright, or see the worry that passed briefly through Faith’s eyes. One tiny part of her mind, some primal Slayer instinct told her she shouldn’t care. What did two vampires fighting to the death matter? It wasn’t like it was Willow or Xander or Giles. Just two vampires. They weren’t half as important as Dawn.

The rest of Buffy’s mind silenced the rebellious instinct almost as soon as it had raised its head. These weren’t merely two vampires. They were important. To her, to Dawn, to the world. She couldn’t contemplate what her life would be like without one of them.

****

Willow and Tara stood stock still, staring up at Spike with matching expressions of dread on their faces. “Bollocks,” Spike swore quietly, before flashing them a carefree grin. “Don’t either of you worry about a thing you hear me? Angel and me, we’ll be fine, I promise.” Then, leaning down towards Wesley who stood on the opposite side of the horse he murmured, “Take good care of them if anything happens Wesley. And look after Buffy and Dawn for me.”

****

Angel closed his eyes, hoping not for the first time that when he opened them he would be at home in the hotel with Cordy and not trapped in this hellish game. It wasn’t to be however, and instead he was greeted with looks of confusion and fear from his companions.

“Remember what I said Xander,” he told the younger man firmly, inhaling a needless yet calming breath. Xander nodded carefully and stepped back, unsure now of what to do or say.

“Try not to kill Spike,” Anya pleaded and he smiled comfortingly at her.

“Don’t worry about it Anya. We’ll both be fine.”

“Right then,” Giles said nodding once at Angel before drawing the others away to the sidelines as Angel lined up to begin the joust.

****

As the two vampires rode swiftly towards each other time slowed down for the Scoobies watching with bated breath. Buffy and Cordelia unknowingly gripped the edge of the box, their knuckles turning white from the pressure as they concentrated on the two horse edging nearer and nearer to each other.

Willow and Tara clung to each other while, Wesley stood beside them, his jaw firmly clenched in anxiety. Anya buried her face in her fiancée’s chest as he held her, all the while keeping his eyes trained on Angel and Spike. Giles, locating Buffy in the stadium, divided his attention between the vampires and the Slayer, his worry for her mixing with his severe dread of the outcome of this match.

The two lances clashed noisily against the opposing shields as the two horses passed on the first attempt. Dawn inhaled sharply, tears falling freely down her face as she waited, watching in unbridled horror, the scene playing out before her.

The horses turned and started towards each other once again, the blank expressions on the faces of the competitors belying the raging thoughts and emotions of both. They neared each other once more. The crowd faded into the background.

Buffy and Cordelia simultaneously stood, their nails digging into the wood of the box before them. The Scoobies all drew a collective breath and waited. Dawn stared wide-eyed at the two vampires unable to tear her eyes away.

One of the lances slid against the shield, slipping underneath the only defence.

Angel dropped his weapon in horror. But it was too late.

His Childe disintegrated before him.

****

“Oh! Pity!” Darla drawled as she watched the dust settle. She glanced at her companion. “Dru?”

“Spike.” Drusilla felt the slightest twinge of something pass through her. She stared at the spot where her Childe had been just seconds before and tried to grasp hold of that feeling inside. Pain? Anger? Loss? Love? “Spike,” she murmured again, a frown creasing her brow as she willed herself to feel.

“Yes it’s a shame,” Darla stated casually. “But you can’t have everything. Don’t worry love, we still have Angelus to play with.”

The feeling escaped Drusilla as her tormented mind turned its attention from her Childe to her Sire and all sorrow or regret was instantly forgotten.  “Daddy. Yes, we still have daddy.”

 

Chapter 27

“Remember. You’re supposed to be a weak little girly girl like the rest of us.”

Willow – ‘Phases’

****

“Dawn?” Ethan called through the door, trying to gauge her reaction to what had happened before he entered. He frowned slightly when he heard no noise within the room. No sobbing, no screaming or shouting. Just an ominous silence.

He cautiously opened the door to her room. “Dawn? Are you…?” He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw his young captive lying unmoving, on the hard stone floor. He moved quickly towards her, immediately bending down to check her pulse.

She was alive.

Ethan allowed himself to breathe. “Dawn!” he called, tapping her face lightly. “Dawn wake up.” She didn’t move. “Dawn!” He carefully lifted her from the ground and moved her to the bed. He spent the next fifteen minutes trying to wake her. He shook her gently, then less gently; splashed her face with water and all the while calling her name.

 She didn’t wake up.

****

Buffy was vaguely aware of someone calling her name. A small sound really, calling her from a great distance. Just her name. It was her name wasn’t it? Buffy. It didn’t matter. Her name didn’t matter. That far off voice could call whatever it wanted. She still wouldn’t be listening.

She remembered this feeling. This place. She could get lost here. She could be happy here. In this safe little world she created. The one she had sunk into when her mother died. The one she had refused to move from when Glory kidnapped Dawn.

Except this time, she wasn’t reliving the past. She didn’t have her favourite moments on a permanent loop inside her mind. This was a brand new place. These were visions of things that could have been. But they were too far away; they were over too quickly.

And that voice was there again. Calling her name. But louder now. More insistent.

With a start Buffy’s head jerked up and she met Cordelia’s eyes. She watched her friend’s mouth move and wondered why was wasn’t speaking. Oh she was speaking. It was the pounding in the Slayer’s ears that stopped her hearing what Cordy had to say.

Buffy turned her head back to the arena. She watched Angel pull violently at the reins of his horse, forcing the animal to rear up. She looked for Spike. Where was…?

As the truth hit Buffy full force, her Slayer instinct took over. The anger and rage inside her, matched only by despair and grief, only knew one effective output. She wanted to kill something. Regardless of her depleted energy and strength she vaulted over the side of the box and ran towards the centre of the arena where Angel was now standing, trying to control his horse.

He sensed her behind him and spun round, letting go of the animal before Buffy launched herself at him. Her clenched fists beat his chest, the look in her eyes hurting him more than any physical force ever could. He stood still, letting her release her anger, allowing her punish him for what he had done. For what he already blamed himself.

“How could you?” she screamed, closing her eyes as they filled with tears. “You killed him! You killed him! How could you?” She started to cry in earnest and the blows slowed to a stop. Angel pulled her against him and gently stroked her hair, whispering endless apologies to her and to Spike. She pushed away from him and sank down to the floor of the arena, at the point where Spike had turned to dust.

****

The Scoobies watched in mounting horror and disbelief from opposite ends of the stadium as Angel’s lance pierced the Master vampire’s heart. Giles’ eyes immediately turned from the centre of the arena back to Buffy and he watched as she jumped out of the Royal box and raced across the arena to Angel. Seconds later they were all running towards the devastated Slayer, stopping in a circle around her as they fought to come to terms with what had happened.

Silently Willow stepped forward and knelt down beside her best friend, wrapping her arms around her in love and support. “Buffy?” the redhead asked cautiously, hoping that Buffy wouldn’t fall into a catatonic state as she had done earlier in the year. The Slayer looked up at her and the look in her eyes made Willow’s heart clench. She had never seen her friend in so much pain.

Without a word, the young witch lifted her friend and carried her back towards the Royal box. She barely glanced at Faith and Cordelia as she set Buffy down in one of the chairs, holding on to her hand as she sat down next to her. Only then did she look up.

Angel stood in the corner farthest from Buffy, with Wesley and Cordelia hovering close by. Giles and Tara stood together watching over their loved ones with concerned expressions. Xander’s face was impassive. Only years of best friend experience enabled Willow to distinguish that Xander was more affected by this than he cared to admit. Anya’s jaw was clenched tight and her eyes remained fixed on one spot, her hand firmly gripping her fiancée’s. Finally there was Faith.

“Faith?” Willow exclaimed aloud, causing everyone to turn and stare at the younger Slayer. The young brunette had no idea what to say so she remained silent, allowing everyone to once again focus on the present problem.

“Buffy,” Giles addressed the Slayer, kneeling down in front of her. “I am so very sorry.”

‘No, you’re not!’  was what she wanted to shout at him. ‘You don’t care if he’s dead or alive. He’s just another vampire to you.’ Instead she raised her head and, looking directly at her former Watcher, she forced a small smile. “I know.” Knowing that she had to go on, that she had to find Dawn, Buffy sucked in a deep breath and stood. She would take charge; she would get everyone home. Then she could grieve. “Ok. No more splitting up. If one of us goes somewhere, we all go. Our only priority from here on out is Dawn.” She turned back to Giles. “Faith says that Ethan has her.”

The Watcher’s face hardened at the mention of his former friend. He would kill Ethan for this.

 

Chapter 28

 “But you’re not a rat. So call it an up-side.”

 Oz – ‘Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.’

****

“Dawn.”

“Hello?” the teenage girl called out as she stared into the emptiness around her. “Hello?”

“Dawn.”

The young girl stopped. “Ok, you know my name. But I don’t know yours so, don’t you think you’re taking advantage? Who are you? Where am I?”

“You are at the beginning Dawn.”

“The beginning of what?”

“Everything.”

“Vague much?” Dawn muttered as she looked around for the source of the voice. “Look I’d really like to know who you are.”

“We are the Powers. Who are you?”

Dawn frowned. “Dawn. But you knew that.”

“We know who you are. Do you know who you are?”

“I’m Da… Oh,” Dawn’s face fell. “Well, I’m the key I guess.”

“The key. But who are you?”

“Will you stop with the Alice in Wonderland questions already? I’m Dawn. The fifteen-year-old sister of the Slayer. Or I’m an ageless key to opening dimensions. No one did a really good job of explaining to me what I am.”

“Not what. Who?”

“Huh.”

“You are not the Slayer’s sister Dawn. You are the key. You open the gateway between worlds.”

“You want me to guess what you’re talking about don’t you? Well I’m not going to. If you want me to know something, you’re going to have to stop with the cryptic and spell it out for me.”

“It is not our place to say.”

“Then why am I here?”

There was a long silence and Dawn was beginning to think that Powers had abandoned her without answering when they finally spoke. “You are here to discover what you are; who you are. You are here to fulfil your destiny.”

****

Spike had never imagined hell to be like this. From his birth he had been taught of that Christian hell, bringing eternal torment to its inhabitants. That belief had remained with him throughout his 120 years as a vampire and he had often thought about what would happen to him in such a place. What would eternal torment be to a vampire?

Last May he knew that that fire and brimstone vision was wrong. He experienced hell, and for the first time in his existence, he was truly afraid. Hell had been Buffy’s broken body in the rubble of the construction site. Hell had been those three months of her death. Hell was a cold and lonely place, without hope.

So the bright white and empty void he found himself in came as a surprise. It wasn’t cold or desolate. It was warm and comforting. “Hello?”

“William.”

“Spike,” the vampire corrected automatically, looking around him for the owner of the voice. “Who’s there?”

“We are the Powers William.”

Spike frowned. “The Powers?”

“Yes William.”

“What am I doing here? With you? I died. Stake through the heart. Shouldn’t I be in hell?”

“You are here to learn William. It is vital that you understand your role. It is vital that you discover who you are. Of what you are part of.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We are offering you an opportunity William. But you must work in this dimension until it is time for you to return.”

“Return?” Spike asked, hope filling his voice. “I get to go back?” He’d see Buffy and Dawn again. That one thought made him ready to face anything that was to come.

“Once you have completed your task.”

Spike sighed. A task. He was quickly becoming annoyed with the vague references. “What task?”

There was no answer.

As Spike opened his mouth to repeat the question the light surrounding him faded and the reality of the dimension surrounded him.

He was in Sunnydale.

 

Chapter 29

“You were supposed to kill the bitch! Not leave gag gifts in her friends’ beds.”

Spike - Passion

****

A brisk knock at the door heralded the arrival of Dumain, who swept eagerly into the royal box, seeming not to notice the dark mood of its occupants. Angel growled low in his throat and his eyes flashed yellow for a moment before Cordelia’s hand on his arm stopped him from hurting the man.

“Well it appears that the Red Knight successfully completed the second task, allowing his team to enter the castle. You may take your prize and continue. Your highness,” he turned to Buffy and addressed her solemnly. “Lord William failed in his objective and therefore…” Dumain trailed off as he watched the expression on Buffy’s face harden.

“Where is he?” Buffy said slowly, her voice deceptively calm.

“I, I, I,” Dumain stuttered nervously, “I don’t know who you…”

“Ethan. Ethan Rayne. I know he’s here.” Buffy stood and stepped closer to smaller man. “You’re going to take me to him.”

“Your highness…”

“Take me to him.”

“Highness there is no way I can take you to him. The only way for any of you to proceed through the castle is to complete the next task,” Dumain told her quickly, correctly fearing the look in her eyes.

“Then we all go,” Buffy announced firmly, dismissing the man immediately and turning to the others. “We stay together, we work together and we get Dawn. I don’t care about anything that happens after that.” She turned back to the messenger. “Where do we go?”

****

Dawn stood confused for a moment as she suddenly found herself standing in her bedroom. Except it wasn’t her bedroom. The light purple walls remained but the belongings that had cluttered her shelves and the posters that had adorned the walls were missing. It was as though she had never been there. Dawn shivered at the thought. Was that what the Powers had meant? Were they showing her that she didn’t belong in Sunnydale? That she wasn’t meant to be there?

She turned around slowly, taking in everything. The dressing table remained by the window, devoid of her makeup, perfume and jewellery. A rocking chair sat next to it the corner, a white crocheted blanket draped over the back. A long chest lay underneath the other window; two dolls perched on top. With a smile Dawn recognised them. One was hers and one was Buffy’s, presents from their grandparents when they were born. Continuing her examination of her room, Dawn turned towards where her bed usually stood and stumbled back a step. A cradle, complete with lace-trimmed canopy, was the focus of the room. Curious, she stepped forward, peering over the edge of the crib, and was disappointed to find it empty.

Completing her inspection, Dawn emerged from the room and cautiously made her way down the hall. She glanced towards her sister’s room, but the door was closed and she didn’t want to take the chance of disturbing anyone. A noise from the kitchen disturbed her and she crept quietly down the stairs, hoping that whoever was there would be able to tell her what was going on. Right now she rather wished she was still locked in that tower if Ethan’s waiting for Buffy and Spike to rescue her.

She stopped suddenly, her breath catching painfully as the realisation of her friend’s death washed over her. Spike would not be on his way to rescue her. He would never be there for her again. She continued down the stairs almost automatically, and before she even realised she was moving again, had stopped in the doorway of the kitchen, her expression one of pure shock.

"Mommy?”

****

Buffy silently led the others through the courtyard to the main doors of the castle. The Scoobies took the opportunity to acquaint each other with what had passed before they had arrived in the castle grounds, Buffy and Angel alone remaining silent.

Giles and Wesley talked quietly as they walked immediately behind Buffy, Giles explaining his history with Ethan Rayne to the younger man. Willow, Tara, Anya and Xander walked slightly behind them, Faith hovering uncomfortably on the outskirts, with Angel and Cordelia at the rear.

“Are you ok?” Cordelia asked Angel for what seemed the hundredth time and once again he refused to answer. His shoulders twitched in what Cordy assumed was a shrug and she reached out gently, taking her hand in his. “It’s ok not to be ok you know,” she tried with a small smile. He turned to look at her properly and she squeezed his hand tighter as she saw how much this was hurting him. He nodded, acknowledging that she understood and was trying to help. He wanted to reassure her, but couldn’t seem to find the words. Instead he raised her hand to his lips and softly kissed it.

Faith looked back at them and sighed, feeling an odd shot of jealousy pass through her. She considered Angel to be her friend but had never seriously imagined that there could be anymore between them. Watching him and Cordelia together however made her feel something that had been missing since her first Watcher’s death three years ago.

Lost in her thoughts, she missed her footing, stumbling forward slightly. A pair of arms grasped her own and kept her upright and she turned to smile at them gratefully. “Thanks. I guess I should watch where I’m… Wesley!”

Faith’s face fell as she looked at the closed expression of her Watcher. He let go of her arms and nodded slightly at her thanks before moving to catch up with Buffy, who maintained her lead, stalking purposefully through the crowds of people. After only a second’s hesitation, Faith followed.

She fell into step beside him, considering her words carefully. During her time in prison she had spent hours planning what she would say to the people she had hurt the most when she was released. Standing here with Wesley she realised she hadn’t had enough time to perfect it. The former Watcher remained silent, his body tense as he waited for her to speak.

Finally Faith accepted that nothing she could say would ever be enough. Long explanations and apologies couldn’t possibly make up for the torture she had inflicted upon him.

“I’m sorry.”

The young girl waited anxiously for Wesley to say something. She couldn’t stand the silence and knew she’d prefer it if he screamed and shouted at her. “I know that doesn’t make up for what I did…”

“Damn right it doesn’t,” Wesley growled, halting his pursuit of Buffy and grabbing Faith’s arm, forcing her to face him. “Don’t imagine you can ever make up for it. What you did to me was as wicked and as low as you could get. I wasn’t a perfect Watcher, I wasn’t a good friend, and I should have done more for you, I know. But your behaviour towards me didn’t help in any way. We both could have done better, but that is no excuse for what you did to me later. None. So don’t imagine an apology however sincere will set everything right between us. It’s going to take a hell of lot more than that.”

****

“Mommy?”

Dawn stared at her mother, her expression a mixture of delight and dread, as Joyce cleaned the kitchen counter. “Mom?” Dawn repeated, forcing herself to move forwards as her mother ignored her presence. “Mom? Can you hear me? It’s me. Dawn. Do you remember me?”

She reached out and touched her mother’s shoulder, but pulled back sharply as her mother stilled and shivered. “Mom?” Dawn whispered, hoarsely, her throat choking with emotion. She didn’t exist here. She was merely a presence, not a physical being. Her mother couldn’t see her or hear her and Dawn wanted to weep at the cruelty of it all. Was this how life was supposed to be, with Dawn as a force in the universe but not a real part of life?

Dawn heard the front door open and her sister’s voice call out. “Hey mom.”

“Hi sweetie,” Joyce called back, quickly drying her hands. “Do you need a hand?”

“No I got it,” Buffy assured her, following it quickly with a muttered curse. Dawn hurried quickly out of the kitchen and through the dining room towards her sister. She found her in the hall, wrestling with an unyielding pram.

“Buffy?” Dawn tried, but she knew it was useless. She was here to observe. So she watched with some amusement as her sister struggled with the stiff supports of the cover, finally giving up when she caught her finger in the metal. With a sigh Buffy manoeuvred the pram into the dining room.

Pulling the small blankets back, Buffy’s face lit up in a way Dawn had never seen before. The look of love and awe on her face merely increased as she reached down and lifted the tiny baby into her arms. “Hello sweetheart,” she murmured softly, arranging her comfortably in her embrace. “You wanna go and see Grandma?”

As Buffy walked towards the kitchen, her sister remained rooted to the spot. The baby was Buffy’s. Buffy had a baby. And though she couldn’t say why, the thought was oddly comforting.

 

Chapter 30

 “Tact is just not saying true stuff.”

Cordelia – ‘Killed By Death’

****

Buffy stopped at the huge wooden door and waited impatiently for her friends to join her. She had to reach Dawn as soon as possible. Her sister was her lifeline, the one thing that kept her from giving in and breaking down completely, and now, as she faced an internal struggle with feelings she had never experienced before, she wanted to see Dawn more than ever.

But to reach her, Buffy had to let the Slayer take control. That hard, determined machine she had worried so much about becoming was forced to the fore and the doors to all other feeling were relentlessly slammed shut.

Fingers snapped in front of her face and Buffy blinked up at the man in front of her. “Wesley.” He gave her a half-hearted smile and stood resolutely silent next to her. Buffy loved him for it. No “Are you ok?” or “If there’s anything I can do…” or “It’ll all be alright.” He was just there; ready to help if she asked.

Like Spike.

One of the doors in her mind gave an almighty shudder as the full torrent of emotion swept up against it but the Slayer held fast. Now was not the time.

Buffy jumped slightly as a hand fell gently on her shoulder and she turned to see Faith, head down, long dark hair obscuring her face, standing before her. The young blonde glanced up at Wesley who had stiffened considerably at the other Slayer’s approach and sighed. Whatever had happened between the two of them was their business and only they could be the ones to resolve it. Buffy had enough problems of her own to deal with.

“Buffy?” Giles interrupted them as the others arrived, “Are you ready?”

The Slayer nodded determinedly. “Everyone stick together. Our priority is Dawn. Everything else can be settled later.” Giles met her gaze and a silent agreement passed between them. Both understood that Ethan had to be found and stopped, but that could wait until they were reunited with the youngest Summers.

****

Spike shook his head in defeat as he glanced up and down Sunnydale’s main street. He was trapped in an alternate reality, searching for answers to questions he didn’t even know. Bloody Powers and their cryptic explanations. What could he possibly learn on some sort of quest that they couldn’t tell him when he had been standing in front of him? His only comfort was knowing he would be able to see Buffy and Dawn again soon.

The thought of his two favourite girls had him crossing the street towards the Magic Box before he even realised he was moving. He stopped short just outside the store as a man emerged, pulling the door closed behind him. The stranger paid no attention to the vampire as he locked the door and made his way down the street, but Spike’s brow furrowed as he felt a shiver of recognition. The man seemed in some way familiar.

“Hey!” Spike called out, running to catch up with the other man. “Hey, wait!” The man continued to ignore Spike as he fell into step beside him. “Hello?” The vampire drawled, waving his hands in front of the man’s face. “Can you see me? Hear me? Great.” He reached into his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter, content to follow the man for the time being and glad he had the opportunity to examine him more closely.

The stranger had unruly dark blonde that had a tendency to fall in front of his eyes, which together with the wire rimmed spectacles, obscured them from Spike’s vision. He was the same height and overall build as the vampire and although obviously human, walked with the same confidence and carelessness as Sp…

Spike stopped as the thought occurred to him, allowing the man to continue on without him. “Oh God no,” the vampire murmured in horrified tones as he recognised the man in front of him as the man he used to be.

****

Dawn watched from the kitchen doorway as Buffy settled down with her baby daughter on the living room couch. She was surprised at the effect the little one seemed to have on her sister. For one thing, she couldn’t remember another time when she had seen Buffy so happy, except maybe once, a couple of years ago, when Willow had put the whammy on her and Spike and she had danced through the house on her way to the Magic Box, proclaiming her love for the vampire and swearing that Dawnie would make such a beautiful Maid of Honour.

The teenager smiled fondly at the memory, but her attention snapped back to the present as her sister spoke. “That’s right sweet thing,” Buffy soothed as she rocked the baby gently in her arms. “Daddy’ll be home soon.” Dawn’s eyebrows rose as she considered who the baby’s father was for the first time. Not Angel; vampire’s couldn’t have children, could they? Riley maybe. Her nose wrinkled at the thought.  

The front door opened again Buffy turned her head to greet the newcomer as she continued to rock her daughter. “Hi baby,” she said softly, and then continued smiling down at the baby, “See sweetheart. Daddy’s home.”

“Hello Nibblet.”

The name rather than the voice drew Dawn’s attention to the young fair-haired man who had just entered the room and seated himself next to Buffy on the couch. Her eyes narrowed as she peered at him. His words were pure Spike, but the man in the living room was so far removed from the vampire she knew and loved she couldn’t easily reconcile the two.

****

Spike watched through the window of the Summers’ house as his other self sat with his arms around Buffy in the living room. Obviously there was something here he had to learn, but so far he could only see what he knew already to be true. His musing was cut short when he saw Buffy carefully pass a bundle of blankets to William. The other man cradled them close as though they were something precious and Spike moved to get a better view of the bundle. He stared in shock at the baby gurgling up at William and Buffy.

A movement at the back of the room brought his head up from contemplation of the child and he saw Dawn standing in the doorway. Their eyes met and they held each other’s gaze for a moment before Dawn raced towards the back door and Spike sprinted around the side of the house to meet her.

She threw herself into his arms and he lifted her off the ground, hugging her tightly. “I thought you were dead,” she told him, her voice quivering from suppressed emotion.

“I thought you were locked in a tower,” he replied, smiling against her hair.

“I was, I mean, I am but…”

“Powers That Be?” Spike asked with a disdainful smirk as he set her back on the ground.

“Yeah. They want me to learn about myself. All I’ve learned so far is that I don’t exist here.”

They stood silent for a moment before Dawn started to grin broadly at her friend. “So that’s you in there, huh? Nice glasses.”

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